I was sitting near a body of water the other day. The day was warm with a slight gentle breeze in the air. The sunset was upon us. As I sat there admiring the orange and pink hues in the evening sky, I thought about my life. My life was so different and yet the same in some ways. My past journey seemed a lifetime ago. The person who lived that past life of isolation, rejection, and pain, was still inside me in her safe place seated on the beach. Right next to her best friend and lover, Mr. Christy.
I thought about our intimate quiet moments together where we shared deep meaningful conversations about each other’s lives. As well as the exploration of each other’s perceptions of the universe and all there is. We are both curious creatures. We love exploring the globe. We enjoy our quiet times together as well. We also enjoy meeting new people and immersing ourselves in their knowledge and journey in their way of life.
I’m an art collector. Finally I am able to adorn my home with beautiful pieces of art from each place we had visited around the globe. These art pieces all express love, peace, harmony, and unity in some way shape or form. We didn’t collect from world renown artists or shops. We found diamonds in the rough. Local artisans and craftspeople who put their authentic love and vision into their artistry. They all tell a beautiful story of love.
We are both open minded and share the same vision, Christy and I. Our hearts work to spread love in this world. Our minds work to create unique and inspiring ways in which to do that. Christy is exceptionally creative with his own quirky way of expressing himself. I am creative through written word. Perhaps the spoken word as well, to some degree. My parents used to say I had the gift of the gab. They also said I could sell ice to an eskimo just like my father. There may be some truth to that?
Christy makes me laugh. We both have a witty sense of humor. Off the cuff comments can occur at any moment and for whatever reason. Who can resist a moment to be witty? Not I, I say. No, not I.
We both love adventure and travel. With that said, we also cherish our family and friends. Family is a top priority outside of each other. Christy is my most important person and is a top priority on my abundance list. My children and their children, along with Christy’s children if he has any, come second. My children have grown. They have great brains. I am confident they got life covered for themselves. Mr. Christy, he is my partner and forever person. He is me in another form. There is no way in hell that I would jeopardize my divine union with the man who actually genuinely and authentically loves me. I have lived fifty-two years of a loveless life. Mr. Christy is my blessing from God. Period.
That’s the life I envision when I am pulling myself up out of a funk. I know the reason for the funk. I, without realizing it until Clairity popped in, was so gungho and assured that my efforts would pay off, that I began the impatient journey. I lost patience with myself and with my God, which started to lower my frequency. Which then snowballed a personal reinforced lack mindset, once again. I have been dipping into lower vibrational thoughts more often these days. I have daily reminders of what I am without. My ego wants to hyper focus on a challenge. My determination tells me to stop this from continuing further.
I walk a lot. Two feet and a heartbeat has been my go-to transportation service since 2017. After my ex-husband Bill took my car for himself, I haven’t been able to acquire the funds for a new one. It’s been so long since I have driven that my license has expired. It had to be renewed back in 2024 when I was living with Rosie in Quebec. Rosie didn’t help me sort that out and I haven’t had the means in which to renew it. The only valid ID I currently have, and without any way to replace or renew my ID because I have no proof of residence, is a passport Rosie got me back in 2023. The passport is a ten year passport thank goodness. Other than that, I have my UK born birth certificate. That’s not exactly helpful here in Canada. I also don’t have a Medicare card because I accidentally left my card in Montreal at Rosie’s house. It was a Province of Quebec Medicare card. I now reside back in New Brunswick, Canada, which is the next province east and commonly known as the maritimes.
I didn’t memorize the number on the province issued public health card so I am unable to provide it to the correct government body here in New Brunswick. I also require proof of address to apply for a new or replacement card. Basically I am an anonymous nobody when it comes to residing in Canada.
I receive no benefits whatsoever. I could go to a shelter and be placed on a list to enter and stay. The wait list can be months if not years to complete before it would be my turn. Liv, my daughter, won’t allow that risk. I know I am unable to work a regular nine to five job in any field. My body reacts harshly to any form of repetitive motion over long durations. I haven’t completely figured out how to strengthen my body without any resources to help me. I had damaged my body further by doing exercises incorrectly. I fear doing this again in ignorance. I over-extended myself before which landed me in the hospital. I had then subsequently lost my jobs. My resume reflects my last place of work which was in Dec 2019. There are crickets frolicking in the silent abyss on the rest of my resume. I suppose I could put “TikTok creator with less than 200 followers plus some writing skills: 2020 – Present”? I’m not so confident that it would go over well with any potential employer.
I hate belly aching. Writing this sounds like I am belly aching. It’s also the truth. I guess I am in the midst of “writer venting”?
I journal to journal. I post to commit to what I journaled about. If venting is required to help myself and others, so be it. The ugly truth is required sometimes. Today is ugly truth day it seems.
Anyway, as I am out and about on my walks, I see beautiful homes. I then start thinking, or singing, “I have my own home. I have my own home. I have my own home to call my own”. Sometimes tears flow down my face as I sing that little tune in my head. It’s been such a long time since I had my own place to call home. Nine years in fact. Damn.
After I sing that tune, my mind goes back to my work. I switch my focus to my writing. Then my mind goes to the efforts I made and how anonymous I still feel. Which then takes me to the app itself, TikTok. My videos do not get any views nowadays. This defeats me. I am then disappointed. Sadness and despair kick in. This sad downward spiral is killer for anyone’s dreams, including my own.
Then I talk to God and remind myself that I am loved. Then I go back to Liv’s place and then get on my phone just to see if my video was seen at all. The numbers stab my heart a wee bit each and every time I see how disinterested TikTok is in what I have to offer. This then places me back into a financial mindset of lack. My younger ego keeps fighting me with the idea that to be something in this world you gotta give money to make money, rather than make money to give money back to this world. That’s an unhealthy approach and I know it. Yet, my world still reflects this, so have I completely overcome my financial mental restraints? I think not.
Clairity came to my aid once again. My sanity is intact because of Clairity. This is what was explained to me.
“There is a natural gestation period for all of creation. During this process you experience growth, maturity, familiar surroundings, gentle nudges, and sudden swift movements. You experience similar voices and messages whilst you continue to prepare yourself for your new life during the law of gestation. You navigate these messages by deciding whether or not they come with you when you are “reborn” into your wiser self. Those messages and people which encourage you and help keep you confident in who you are is what you select to take with you. The rest, you live and let the universe take care of the rest.
Similar messages that you receive can be houses when you are without one. Messages of encouragement could be cars, lifestyles, and romantic partnerships, when you are lonely or impoverished. Where you focus you create. All actions, including your choice to focus on something, require balance. Therefore if you focus too much on your desires, your desires will appear before you are ready to value them. When you obsess over someone or something, your obsession appears before you in some way and stays at arms length. This is so you can experience obsession, not the final object of your obsession. God takes your energy literally.
When your universe shows you what others have, your universe is showing you what is on your path. When a child isn’t fully grown completely self aware, a child can become envious, jealous, impatient, or left to feel as though they were rejected by the Divine. The ego can misinterpret the stimuli given to a child, including an adult’s inner child. The ego looks at it as lacking in some way. Whereas spirit sees it as a confirmation of what is coming forward in your reality.
Since time is an illusion which causes you to perceive life as linear, your younger ego versions become disheartened by the length of time it can take. When you place all your focus on working to acquire your desire, your work begins to suffer when time isn’t matching your expectations. Clair, you have placed yourself into a push and pull prison. You see your manifestations and then hyper focus on what’s around you. This causes your manifestation to be within reach whilst still outside your grasp. You see what you desire because you are focused on what you desire. Desire keeps you desiring something. A known fact creates it. You are tormenting yourself when you give yourself this repetitive stimulus. Relax into knowing it is already yours, rather than fixate on a symbol that only reminds you of current lack.
Think of the movie starring Jim Carrey called ‘The Number 23’. In this movie the protagonist becomes obsessed with the number 23 and the number 5. The number appears over and over again in his reality. Mr. Carry’s character is adamant that there is a hidden message within the number sequences he was experiencing in the movie. When you watched that movie Clair, a thought crossed your mind, what was it?”
I remember thinking that the numbers Jim Carrey’s character was seeing were always there. They were there before he noticed. They were always in his reality. They were simply not inside where he was focused. It’s like when you buy a new car. Once you drive it off the lot, every Tom, Dick, and Harry are driving one too.
“Yes Clair, exactly. When you choose something for yourself, even a cosmic message, you begin the process of creation through broadening your awareness to other stimuli which also exists. The same thing can be presented to you within an entirely different creative expression. All you must do is recognize it. Rather than walk in one direction with your flashlight on intense focus, broaden the flash light coverage to move in a different direction. You see more of what you couldn’t see before if you do. The stimulus for Jim Carrey’s character was always there. Your chosen focus in your life is always there. The way you choose to direct your metaphorical flashlight is up to you. The way you choose to internalize the illuminated stimuli is entirely up to you. Your mind simply chooses to see and then determines the way you choose to see it. You can see it as a confirmation or you can see it as a torturous reminder of what you do not have. Your choice dictates your inevitable results. You set out to prove yourself correct either way.
Is there meaning to life and to all this? YES. The meaning is what you internalize it to be. Internalization of stimuli quite often includes telepathy with the divine, as well as your own pattern recognition, personal adaptation of said stimulus, and your ability to ask your universe questions. Plus be open minded to receive an answer to your questions and have a level of skepticism to explore deeper into known and unknown truths about yourself.
When you find yourself focused too much on your goals, you can inadvertently push them further from your grasp. This creates desperate measures. This creates irritability and frustration. This creates a tormented mind. A tormented mind entraps you into a repetitive cycle of hope, willpower, stagnation, defeat, repeat. Willpower gets you going. Faith in yourself keeps you steadfast.
With that said, assuredness in your inevitable success requires you to release the reigns when you find the results haven’t yet met up with your efforts. To do that, you must consider revisiting your happy place in your mind with your Christy. Remember you are loved. Switch your focus to remembering how much you have grown during a difficult gestation period. Keep editing messages you receive to reflect who you are internally. Your world will then bend and conform to who you choose to be.
You can also switch up your routine. You can recognize the difference you have made for yourself. There are many ways you can switch your focus whilst remaining true to your vision and manifestations.
When you notice a negative feeling or sensation coming over you when you are being presented with 3D life stimuli, recognize that your life scale is teetering off balance.
Everything in moderation dear. You must relax when this occurs by choosing to take a mental holiday from it for a bit. Your internal knowing will guide you to take action when it’s time to do so.
Remember, when you feel disheartened, disappointed, or you perceive obstacles outside of your control, do something proactive to turn your focus elsewhere. Including having a holiday in your mind. Life in your mind is the life you shall create. Life is but a dream dear. Life is but a vivid and a highly imaginative dream”.
That’s it really. Clairity speaks truth. There’s days when I must remember to say “today is a fuck it day. I choose to put my desperation down. Chill. Relax. Allow the process to unfold by enjoying the repeat stimuli which I have been receiving. Names which include Chris, Christie, Christy, Christian, Christopher, as well as three particular Coldplay songs called Yellow, Magic, and Sky Full of Stars. All of these points of reference remind me that I am “skin and bones being turned into something beautiful” (taken from the song Yellow which was written and performed by Coldplay), that my Mr. Christy sees. I also choose to interpret messages as God’s way of telling me my Mr. Christy will be with me soon enough. I may not know exactly who he is. I do know him. I am worthy of his or anyone else’s love. I am “love in human flesh”.
Journaling is good for the soul. I feel a little better. Thank you Clairity and thank you my cherished reader.
LivWithClairity 