(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Mature subject matter. Read at your discretion. 18+)
Rosie had reached out to me on Messenger within about two weeks of seeing him at the hotel, and learning of his four, not just two, affairs. Rosie was testing the waters to see how receptive I would be towards a reconciliation. Before he had reached out, I placed thoughts of him aside. Thinking of him was way too painful. Instead of thinking of Rosie, I focused on what had occurred in the hotel room with that booming voice. I never experienced something quite like that before, nor have I since.
My initial thoughts which had brought Clairity into focus was, did I really channel an angel? What are angels? Are they a human construct to create fear of wrath and judgment? Are angels a true divine being of light and darkness, just as human beings are of the same creation? Are they reflections of all that is who express themselves within a different frequency of light and sound? Are angels another form of alien? Everyone is an alien to someone after all. Ask an ant to describe a human. I bet the world alien would come to mind.
I imagine you may consider me alien by the way I process information? You may have even questioned if I suffered from some form of clinically identifiable mental disorder? I have certainly questioned my mental health in my past.
All this is to say, we are alien to each other until we are no longer alien with one another. Only you know you the best. I become less alien to you the more you follow my journey. Until you let me know you, you are alien to me. Everything else is simple glitter and lights.
I also can’t imagine angels are at our beckon call. I would be arrogant to think like that. Knowing that, what role do angels play here on earth? Are they guardians who help us through miraculous divine intervention? Do they combat darkness so that we, tiny little humans, don’t have to become too overwhelmed by it all? The questions went on and on. I was curious about what had happened. An important question I have because of that experience, and to this day, is, am I crazy? Is there a clinical psychological explanation for what I am doing inside my mind? Am I delusional?
The experience in the hotel room with a supposed angelic rattled me deeply. I am fairly certain that the experience had rattled Rosie a wee bit too. It’s nuts!
The only other times where I had experienced angels was whilst asleep or during reiki training to become certified. During that day training, I had seen a humanoid perched on top of a rounded dining room chair. All that was placed on the chair were his under feet. He was seated in the “Thinking Man’s” position whilst looking in my direction. I didn’t see his wings. I saw his magnificent stature and heard the word angel inside my mind. I don’t know if the being was a male nor a female. The energy was most certainly masculine. His energy was expansive and I have no words to describe it.
I have also been made aware that Rosie has spoken ill of me and my connection to all that is behind my back. He mocked me behind my back several times whilst together and since our final separation. Sadly, and said without factual proof, only Clairity, Rosie has referred to me as being mentally ill, lazy, ungrateful, antisocial, a dark witch, and other unpleasant names. What stings is the fact that I know he had mocked my spiritual beliefs. Figuratively speaking, this causes my little devil tail to whip around and strike at a target. Mock me is mocking my God. This was a hard pill for me to swallow.
Today, people, including Rosie, are welcomed to believe, think, and say whatever suits their needs when it comes to me. I’m good.
I know things without people telling me. Not all the time. Most times. I have confidence that what I don’t know today, I come to know tomorrow with the help of my God. The truth always comes out in my world one way or another. I accept joy and pain equally. The truth offers both. The truth sets me free.
I trust when I feel Clairity’s energy and the information whispered. I trust Clairity’s words over Rosie’s any day of the week and in any situation. In fact, if you trust someone outside of yourself more than you would trust yourself, then you would definitely sign up for a heavy price to pay down the road. Trust yourself in all situations, even when it doesn’t make sense.
I feel sad and disappointed for Rosie’s and my connection. Rosie was supposed to be my person. The one my inner little girl was supposed to feel safe with. It takes a village to raise a child. I am not meant to take care of me by myself. We are made to be a socially conscious society. You and another, just like another and myself, are made to co-create our worlds together. At one time I was in an illusion of trust and safety, not actually seeing that I was unsafe. We only see what we want to see. We see clearly when we choose to see the truth. Pain always delivers you truth. You just have to open the box after you get punched in the gut. The truth sets you free.
Your divine loving person has an important role in your life. They are the ones who help to you keep your inner child nourished and safe to the best and utmost of their ability. You in turn are divinely honored to take care of their inner child as well. When you know yourself, you know your person. You then know each other’s egos from birth, right up to present day. Imagine that kind of love. That is true love because that is full acceptance of one another.
We are guardians for each other. If you treat your inner child like shyte, you would likely become impatient and unapproachable with others as well. Therefore you would inadvertently treat others like shyte basically. Two children can only get along when they are not grumpy themselves. Adults are bigger versions of the same thing. Grumpy adults are rejected children inside.
“I am supposed to be rejected so I am going to say something or do something to make you want to push me away. Then I can blame you for my pain”. This is a subconscious thought of a trapped inner child. The action can be anything mean and is a result of rejection.
Rosie’s inner child was stuck in a fetal position inside his own personal cave. He was unable to see a breathtaking waterfall. It’s like Coldplay’s song, “Every Tear is a Waterfall”. Shed tears to lighten a load. Lighten a load to get out of your mental cave. Get out of your cave to see your waterfall. Your tears are beautiful and needed.
Coldplay’s songs have a special meaning for me in many ways. Not all of their songs. Enough for me to reference them a few times in my writing. I do this because Clairity had guided me towards their music and had instructed me to look a little deeper when watching their videos and when I listen to their lyrics. My ego also has a crush on Chris Martin. Hell, what’s not to love about him? He’s a genuine and authentic person. I don’t know him. His energy speaks volumes to me. Period.
I did my best to pull Rosie out of his personal cave like the way my Grandpa Joe saved me from mine. Rosie has free will. I have no say over his choices. Knowing that doesn’t make the pain of loss less real. Healing is a process that requires the allowance of divine timing and self love. Patience is the path.
Our ideal plan rarely goes the way we ideally plan it to go. Today I can accept all is not as it seems. Even the sweetest of looking creatures can bite you in the ass hard enough so that you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week afterwards. I would know. My mother used to brag to my friends that she bit my ass after I had bitten my brother’s in order to teach me a lesson. I was three years old at the time.
My mother is a short woman. She used to say, “good things come in small packages”. Yeah, true, so does dynamite.
Rosie was sweet to look at and extremely hard to resist and or digest. Being with Rosie is too high of a price to pay in the end. I would have paid a heavy price of losing myself if I had chosen to stay with him.
Clairity interrupted my plethora of questions about angels.
“Clair, you have many valid questions. You also have the answers. Can you recall the adventure you had during a sleep state when you had spoken to an elderly woman?”.
I do remember that dream. I remember it vividly. Like it happened last night. I am still curious about it to this day.
It was sometime between 1990 and 1992. This dream left me more curious than anything else. In my dream I was sitting in a long, narrow, wooden boat. There was a man who as all in black using a long paddle behind me. He was standing on the flat wood right at the peak of the boat. I guess you could consider it like a gondola boat in Venice, with the guide pushing the water using a long ore to create movement.
The presence behind me was strong and silent whilst gliding us down a waterway. The man was wearing a black hooded, floor length robe, with a hood covering his face. I felt like the size of an ant in comparison to his height and energy. One might consider him to look like a Grimm reaper, but without a scythe.
Since he was quietly guiding me through tall buildings on either side of us, I asked him, “am I on the River Styx?” The man gave no response.
The reason I think I asked if I was on the River Styx was because I had associated it with another dream I had prior to this one. I also loved Greek Mythology in school, so it could have easily been my subconscious associating with that learning and bleeding the knowledge into my dream.
As Grimm and I continued to move in silence, I noticed I was wearing a light cream colored gown. Kind of like a soft flowy nightgown. The cloth was light and beautiful to look at. After I had admired the clothes I was wearing, I looked up to three massive figures. They were huddled together in a clearing on my left.
The clearing was situated in between two buildings that I was about to pass by. I bowed my head as soon as I saw the divine beings. I felt I would be dishonoring them if I looked directly at them in the eyes. I have no idea why I felt that way. I simply knew they were to be respected. I gave my respect.
The three figures were, in my perception, extremely tall and slender. I’d estimate them to be at least eight feet tall. They had iridescent skin which glistened when the light hit their faces. Like the way movies depict vampire looking skin. Do you know what I mean? It is kind of hard to describe really.
Two of them had melanin that looked the same, assuming that’s what you would call it?, and one was slightly different. The best way I can describe the way they had looked would be by acknowledging, they looked similar to the elves in the Lord of the Rings series. Two with lighter irridescent skin, and the other was slightly darker in appearance. Shadows could have been at play? The lights were dim. I am not able to say for certain. They had seemed to be intersex as well. It was difficult for me to distinguish between male or female. They were stunning to say the least.
I kept my head bowed as we slowly drifted around a bend. My water guide and I travelled down a narrow passageway until we had stopped to pay particular attention to a man and woman who stood on the landing on our right. They were standing in front of an ornate looking building. The buildings in my dream were like nothing I had ever seen before. Was I in heaven or was I in hell? Was I in purgatory? Where was I? These questions are left and likely to remain unanswered. I felt welcomed, not scared in the least.
The two people wore long royal blue robes with white accents. Similar to that of graduation gowns or choir gowns.
The female was shorter than the male by a good foot. At first I thought that the woman with alburn hair was my great aunt Mary. It may have been. I don’t know for certain. I was under the impression that I was going to get out of the boat when we stopped in front of the people, I went to stand up when a voice from behind me had said, “stay seated”. With that, the people smiled at me as we moved on past them.
I think we may have passed by another four buildings? There were different ones on either side of me which we passed by before the boat finally came to its full stop. Where we had stopped had a wide open body of water in front of me. To the left of me was a white wall. To the right of me was a pathway which led to some stone steps that curved around a quaint little building. That was where I had gotten out of the boat. I didn’t look back in the dimly lit waterway. I didn’t see Grimm leave. Instead, I focused on the stairs. I walked up.
When I reached the top of the stairs, I came to an elderly looking woman on my right hand side. She was standing on a front stoop of her home. Her home looked like a home you would find in Mykonos Greece, only dark in color rather than white.
As soon as I saw this elderly lady I posed two questions to her, “am I supposed to use my psychic abilities to help others? Is this what I am meant to do in this lifetime?”.
The woman looked up at me, smiled, then telepathically said, “only you know the answer to that. Keep going sweetheart”.
With that, I smiled at her, turned around, and walked further up the pathway until I opened my eyes to be back in my bedroom.
That dream rushed back to me when I watched ‘What Dreams May Come’, starring Robin Williams, and Annabella Sciorra. There is a scene in this movie where Christy, played by Robin Williams, travels on a boat. I think it’s that scene that makes ‘What Dreams May Come’ my favorite movie of all time. No other movie has come close to the sentiment I hold for that movie. ‘What Dreams May Come’ validated my own experiences in perception throughout my life beautifully. What a day it would be to pick the brain of the original artist who made that movie come to life. I would be honored to meet their acquaintance and to know how they came to their own understanding of life after life. A fabulous rendition of thought indeed.
“Yes Clair, that’s correct. The beings which you saw before the elderly lady, who were they to you?”, Clairity asked.
I don’t really know. My intuition says to me they’re angels. My logic questions this idea.
“You are learning to decipher and understand your intuition, yes? Who they are is for you to discover and rationalize, not for me to tell you at this time. Do you remember your excursion with Grandpa Joe in the city?”, Clairity questioned.
Yes, like the first dream, I remember that excursion vividly.
The city dream with Grandpa Joe had occurred sometime between 2004 and 2006. I know it was before I opened a spiritual center in September of 2006. Let’s say 2005 to keep it simple.
Grandpa Joe came to me the same way he had done most other times, simply appearing in front of my bedroom closet doors. When I saw Grandpa Joe, I left my body and floated over to him. I stood in front of him in my usual spot. Within inches of my face, Grandpa Joe motioned my eyes to close with the palm of his hand. When he removed his palm from my face, I opened my eyes. I found myself standing on a sidewalk beside Grandpa Joe on my left.
The sidewalk Grandpa Joe and I had been standing on was in a busy city. To give reference, I would say the environment was similar to that of New York City, in New York, USA. I hadn’t been to New York at that time. Today I can easily identify the similarities.
Grandpa Joe was standing to my left and looked straight ahead. I looked up at him to see where he was facing. With that, my curiosity took over. I looked where he was looking, which was across to the other side of the busy street.
On the other side of the street was another sidewalk. There were many people who were walking fast and slow in both directions. I couldn’t make out their physical appearances so much. What stood out more was their rainbow of colors emanating from their auric fields. Not all people had the same color sequences. Some were more red. Some were purple and green. Others were orange and yellow. Some were all the colors in one silhouette. Some were vibrant. Whereas other colours were faded.
As these colorful beings, whom I intuitively knew are human, walked, a light being walked with them. I could only make out a sillouette of golden light. The light beings floated about two or three feet above their rainbow person. Some had two light beings with them whilst others only had one. All had guiding forces walking with them. That was apparently clear.
“Clair, look over there”, my Grandpa Joe had lovingly instructed.
As Grandpa Joe extended his arm, and pointed his index finger, he glided his arm to the right. My eyes followed my grandpa’s motion. Grandpa Joe was showing me an alleyway.
The alleyway was no different than any other alleyway you would see in a city. It wasn’t the alleyway that had caught my attention. It was five dark shadow people standing there that had puzzled me.
Grandpa Joe said like a loving dad would say to his daughter before her first date.
“It’s important to remember Clair, they do exist”.
The shadow people were all huddled together. None of them expressed light nor had a light being who stood close to them. They looked like black robed monks with no face and no distinguishable light. They freaked me out a little.
Grandpa Joe went further on to explain, “most are of light. Few are unpleasant. Some interfere when ruled not to. Some cause havoc where havoc need not apply. Remain aware. Close your eyes dear”. With that, I closed my eyes then woke up in my bed.
I thought, what is the point of remembering this dream when it came to angels?
Clairity finished her teaching of that day by saying, “not all is as it seems. You are guided. Most are. The guiding forces are loving, wise, and always open to assist. Some people may see angels. Some people may see ancestors. Some people may see a god of sorts. We are imagined beings living a beautiful imagined existence. If you can imagine something long enough, whatever it is you imagine forms into being.
Conscious energy forms into a being you are familiar with within your imagination. An angel does not know the way you see them any more than you can see your own true reflection. If you believe in angels, then angels exist. If you believe angels are aliens, then aliens it is. However you depict creation is perfectly fine with creation. Do you understand?”, Clairity asked.
I do yes, and I don’t. Perhaps it is because our ego is hell bent on labels and identification.
“Exactly” Clairity stated, with dare I say, a cheeky vibe.
Life is fascinating isn’t it? I think that conversation with Clairity inadvertently softened me up to Rosie. The city dream helped me to remember, Rosie is a light being. Granted a lost light being. He is a light being nonetheless. I love all people. All people are important for me to understand myself and creation as a whole. Rosie is included. Love and acceptance from a distance is kindness.
The reason I say I softened up to Rosie’s circumstances by weaponizing empathy against myself is because, I agreed to let Rosie lure me back in with his charm and charisma. His attempt at redemption was enough to get me to ignore my higher wisdom once again.
Or, did it? Perhaps I was meant to go back to Rosie’s? Perhaps there was valuable knowledge to gain. Perhaps I was entering my graduating year? Time will tell.
Wanna go back to Montreal with me?
LivWithClairity 