(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Mature subject matter. Read at your discretion. 18+)
After I had my conversation with Clairity concerning ego perception versus spiritual truths, and from my level of understanding, I came to a much clearer awareness that my perception always trumps truth. It is only when someone is ready, willing, able to see, and accept truth, does truth present itself in your life. If a person chooses to only see their desires, the truth will remain hidden in plain sight. I ignored the truth until I could no longer ignore it.
Whilst I kept what I learned from Clairity private, I allowed Rosie to approach me through Messenger. Rosie didn’t realize that I had already made a commitment to myself when he reached out. I promised the little girl inside of me that I would always keep her safe. I set some healthy boundaries which I had intended to keep firmly in place. I also promised the little girl inside of me that I will always do my utmost best to see the truth. Even if truth is painful.
I was and still am committed to seeing the truth. Within all I do in this lifetime. My heart may have been soft for Rosie, and the conditioned love my ego was attached to was still very apparent, I had recognized the responsibility in having wise discernment. I kept one foot on solid ground for round three of Rosie and I inside the ring of illusion.
Rosie did his best to explain his upbringing whilst he and I spoke on Messenger. Some of his past anyway. I say some, because Rosie rarely divulged intimate details about himself. When he did, he had spoken just enough to give me slight satisfaction. Once suppressed emotions began to surface, Rosie declared that it was too painful to discuss. I suspect today, Rosie was expressing his acting skills. He knew how to turn me soft towards him. He would create a new victim for himself and for me. He was a victim of a hard life. I could empathize so, of course, I would soften my heart for him once again. Then refrain from digging deeper into his past. Rosie’s tears had become his golden ticket to deflect his own accountability. Many people do this because communication is a peaceful resolve which most have been untrained for. Being vulnerable means they would have to see the truth about themselves. This pill is hard to swallow. Fear of judgment tends to trump what is morally correct.
The only emotions Rosie was able to express outwardly were anger, irritability, competitiveness, anxiousness, occasional light-heartedness, and sexual desire. Rosie was oftentimes suspicious and on edge. Genuine joy and zest for life tended to elude Rosie. If Rosie wasn’t expressing one of those emotional reactions I mentioned, he was calm and neutral. Rosie would likely be considered someone who is difficult to read when he didn’t get worked up enough to make it obvious.
My dad was the same way. If my dad wasn’t drunk and or making fun of someone, he was generally relaxed and quiet. My dad often expressed irritability, impatience, occasional light-heartedness, and quiet neutrality. My dad kept his thoughts to himself most of the time, as well as he physically distanced himself from my mum.
My dad did the cordial visiting thing but when he wanted to leave, my parents left. My dad had little patience for small talk. He wasn’t an emotionally expressive person either. My dad was all logic. My mum was highly emotionally expressive for both of them.
Rosie and I did speak of his infidelity when we were on Messenger. I honestly am unable to remember exactly what was said between us. As I am certain you can imagine, I was barely keeping my sanity together by this point. I was also more focused on his facial expressions and his eye movements. I noticed when he spoke with me, his expression didn’t match the experience he was explaining. I also noticed he looked right several times. I called him out on that. Rosie’s response to his right side eye movements was, “I am just like that. I look in all directions when I am talking with people. It’s something you learn in the military. It doesn’t mean I am lying”.
My response was quick and matter-of-fact, “nope, not true”.
I am familiar with Rosie, and familiar with some facial reading to know when Rosie is bullshitting me. He may have done some minor surface level reflection, Rosie still hadn’t gone too deep within myself at this stage. I kept a mental note.
What Rosie was willing to talk about was the fact that he was raised by a single mum. He never knew his father. Rosie spoke of being exposed to male energy most of his life. There was a local barber shop in his community. Rosie explained that you would often find him there. Rosie felt him being around people older than him most of his life was probably the reason that he gravitated towards older women. Rosie explained that the men he was around had an interesting way of treating women. He thought that those behaviors must have rubbed off on him.
Rosie also alluded to the idea that he was unfaithful because he was cheated on by his first highschool love. Followed by another girl cheating on him right after that. My empathy heartstring pulled?, check.
After Rosie explained much of what I had already known about him, I gave him a peace offering. I’m not entirely sure if it was me or if it was Clairity who made the solid suggestion to help Rosie and I. I say that because the proposal slipped right out of my mouth with little to no forethought. When I speak in a matter-of-fact way and with little forethought, it is usually coming from another source. After I suggested it I didn’t think he would actually do it.
I said, “alright Rosie, if you are truly sorry and are making an honest effort to grow, tell your family what truly happened between us. Tell them about your infidelity. Tell them about the reasons for my leaving. Explain to them that I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye. Also tell your mum about all the work I did for you to help you get your kids. Tell her about the way I supported you. Clear my name Rosie, with both your mum and your children. Give credit where credit is due. Come clean and record it so that I know you had the courage, integrity, and morality to be honest. After you record it, send it to me by email. I’ll listen to it then get back to you”.
That was a decent proposal I’d say. If Rosie truly wanted to be with me, then he would be wise to come clean.
Rosie decided to take me up on the challenge in a somewhat sneaky way. He is a smarticle particle let me tell ya. Rosie is a three steps ahead kind of thinker. I am grateful to him for teaching me that. I started to implement the exact same training. Here! Here! for thinking three steps ahead!
In other words, I observe to discern, then act and react. Finally, observe once again from a spiritual perspective. From there, take quiet steps to implement what you learned. Only a foolish person shares their hidden plan. Morality simply relies upon the plan holder. Intentions determine outcomes. My morals and my intentions have remained kind and pure of heart. Rosie’s is a bit more colorful.
Follow whatever you observed in hindsight. Make a conscious decision. Remain committed to your decision, and keep your thoughts to yourself. When you express your new boundary which is based upon previous knowledge, observe reactions of other people in the present. Remain quiet, and honor your new boundary. Continue to identify patterns in their and your behavior going forward. Quietly adjust your approach accordingly. Execute your plan when you confidently know the time is right to do so. Trust your observation before you choose to trust another person. That is what Rosie taught me in a round about way.
Thank you Rosie. That was wise advice indeed. Rosie used his three step process to stay ahead of his deceit. I use it to see the truth.
Rosie’s insightful advice piggybacked off of my dad’s and my mum’s growing up. My dad would often say, “you can’t bullshit a bullshitter”.
My mother taught me that it is always wise to “keep your eyes and ears open with your mouth shut”.
Interesting how the same thoughts and messaging can come in a multitude of creative ways. People are collective thinkers with unique designed self expression. Two English born caucasian Canadians and one French Haitian Canadian think alike. Imagine that. Color is simply for show. The mind is kin to one another.
It was about a week later when I had received the email with the recording I instructed Rosie to send me. I listened to it as I said I would. I had listened with keen interest. Clairity wanted me to catch that Rosie’s recording was in english, only. I didn’t hear his mother speak whatsoever. Therefore there was no tangible evidence that Rosie’s mother was a part of the discussion between him and his children. Rosie’s mum understood minimal english. If Rosie’s mum was witness to his confession, he would likely have spoken both languages in the recording. I didn’t catch Rosie’s deception at the time. I was in awe that he actually did confess to something. I was pleasantly shocked.
I think Clairity also wanted me to catch that Rosie still hadn’t given credit where credit was due, nor did he fully admit to four women. Rosie only told his kids of two women. Wendy, whom his kids already met on more than one occasion, and another woman.
The biggest and most subtle thing Clairity wanted me to notice was Rosie’s response to Alyssa’s question when she asked him, “how does Clair feel? Is she okay?”.
Rosie’s response was, “she’s disappointed”.
Disappointed is an interesting word to describe the way I felt. I would be disappointed if I had received white chocolate instead of milk chocolate. Distraught, flabbergasted, hurt, receptive to healing, in pain, or anything else really, would have described the truth of the matter a hell of a lot better than “disappointed”.
This little blurb in Rosie’s confession was Clairity’s way of showing me Rosie lacked in emotional intelligence.
Was I willing to teach Rosie empathy? Seems I was hell bent on trying.
LivWithClairity 