(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)
After having my conversation with Clairity about ego perception versus spiritual truths, from my level of understanding, I came to a much clearer awareness that my perception trumps the truth. It is only when someone is ready, willing, and able, that the truth presents itself. If a person, such as myself throughout my life up until now, chooses to only see their desires, the truth will remain hidden in plain sight.
Whilst keeping what I had learned from Clairity private from Rosie, I allowed him to approach me through Messenger. Rosie did not realize that I had already made a commitment to myself when he reached out. I promised the little girl inside of me that I would always keep her safe. I set some healthy boundaries which I intended to keep firmly in place. I also promised the little girl inside of me that I will always do my utmost best to see the truth. Even if the truth is painful.
I was and still am committed to seeing the truth. Within all I do in this lifetime. My heart may have been soft for Rosie, and the conditioned love my ego was attached to was still very apparent, I also recognized the responsibility of wise discernment. I kept one foot on solid ground within me for round three of Rosie and I in the ring of illusion.
Whilst Rosie and I were speaking on Messenger, he did his best to explain some of his upbringing. I say some, because Rosie rarely divulged intimate details about himself. When he did, he only spoke enough until his suppressed emotions began to surface. When he experienced a change of emotion that scared him, he spoke no more of it.
The only emotions Rosie was able to express outwardly were anger, irritability, competitiveness, anxiousness, occasional light-heartedness, and sexual desire. Rosie was oftentimes suspicious and on edge. Genuine joy and zest for life tended to elude Rosie. If Rosie wasn’t expressing one of those emotional reactions I mentioned, he was calm and neutral. Rosie would likely be considered someone who would be difficult to read when he didn’t get worked up enough to make it obvious.
My dad was the same way. If my dad wasn’t drunk and making fun of someone, he was generally relaxed and quiet. My dad tended to express irritability, impatience, occasional light-heartedness, and quiet neutrality. My dad kept his thoughts to himself most of the time, as well as physically distancing himself from my mum.
My dad did the cordial visiting thing but when he wanted to leave, my parents left. My dad had little patience for small talk. He wasn’t an emotionally expressive person either. My dad was all logic. My mum was emotionally expressive for both of them.
Rosie and I did speak of his infidelity when we were on Messenger. I honestly am unable to remember exactly what was said between us. As I am certain you can imagine, I was barely keeping my sanity together by this point. I was also more focused on his facial expressions and eye movements. I noticed when he spoke with me, his expression didn’t always match the experience he was explaining. I also noticed he looked right several times. I called him out on that. His response to his right side eye movements was, “I am just like that. I look in all directions when I am talking with people. It’s something you learn in the military. It doesn’t mean I am lying”.
My response was quick and matter-of-fact, “nope, not true”.
I am familiar with Rosie, and familiar with some facial reading to know when Rosie is bullshitting me. He may have done some surface level reflecting, Rosie still hadn’t gone too deep within myself at this stage. I kept a mental note.
What Rosie was willing to talk about was the fact that he was raised by a single mum. He never knew his father. Rosie spoke of being exposed to male energy most of his life. There was a local barber shop in his community. Rosie explained you would often find him there. Rosie felt his being around people older than him most of his life was probably the reason he gravitated towards older women. Rosie explained that the men he was around had an interesting way of treating women. He said those behaviors must have rubbed off on him.
Rosie also alluded to the idea that he was unfaithful because he was cheated on by his first school love whilst back in highschool. Followed by another girl cheating on him right after that. Empathy heartstring pulled?, check.
After Rosie explained much of what I already knew about him, I offered up a peace offering. I’m actually not entirely sure if it was me or Clairity who made the solid suggestion to help Rosie and I. I say that because the proposal slipped right out of my mouth with little to no forethought. After I suggested it I didn’t think he would actually do it.
I said, “alright Rosie, if you are truly sorry and are making an honest effort to grow, tell your family what truly happened between us. Tell them about your infidelity. Tell them about the reasons for my leaving. Explain to them that I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye. Also tell your mum about all the work I did for you to help you get your kids. Tell her about the way I supported you. Clear my name Rosie, with your mum and your children. Give credit where credit is due. Come clean and record it so that I know you had the courage, integrity, and morality to be honest with everyone. After you record it, send it to me by email. I’ll listen to it then get back to you”.
That was a decent proposal I’d say. If Rosie truly wanted to be with me, then he would be wise to come clean.
Rosie decided to take me up on the challenge in a somewhat sneaky way. He is a smarticle particle I tell ya. Rosie is a three steps ahead kind of thinker. I am grateful to him for teaching me that. I started to implement the exact same training. Here! Here! for thinking three steps ahead!
In other words, observe to discern, then act and react. Finally, observe once again from a spiritual perspective. From there, take quiet steps to implement what you had learned. Only a foolish person shares their hidden plan. Morality simply relies upon the plan holder. Intentions determine outcomes.
Follow what you observed in hindsight by making a conscious decision. Remain committed to your decision, and keep your thoughts to yourself. When you have expressed your new boundary based upon previous knowledge, observe the reaction of the other person in the present. Whilst remaining quiet, and upon introducing your new boundary, proceed to identify patterns in their and your behavior. Then quietly adjust your approach accordingly. Execute your plan when you confidently know the time is right. Trust your observation before trusting another person.
Thank you Rosie. That was wise advice indeed. Rosie used his three step process to stay ahead of his deceit. I use it to see the truth.
Rosie’s insightful advice piggybacked off of my dad’s and my mum’s growing up. My dad would often say, “you can’t bullshit a bullshitter”.
My mother taught me that it is always wise to “keep your eyes and ears open with your mouth shut”.
Interesting how the same thought process and messaging can come in a multitude of creative ways. We are collective thinkers with uniquely designed self expression. Two English born Canadians and one French Haitian Canadian think alike. Imagine that.
It was about a week later when I received the email with the recording I instructed Rosie to send me. I listened to it as I said I would. I think Clairity wanted me to catch that the recording was entirely in english. I was unable to hear his mother speak whatsoever. Therefore there was no tangible evidence that Rosie’s mother was a part of the recorded discussion. Rosie’s mum understood minimal english. I didn’t catch Rosie’s deception at the time.
I think Clairity also wanted me to catch that Rosie still hadn’t given credit where credit was due, nor did he fully admit to four women. Rosie only told his kids of two women. Wendy, whom the kids had already met on more than one occasion, and another woman.
The biggest and most subtle thing Clairity wanted me to notice was Rosie’s response to Alyssa’s question when she asked him, “how does Clair feel? Is she okay?”.
Rosie’s response was, “she’s disappointed”.
Disappointed is an interesting word to describe the way I was feeling and reacting to the situation. I would be disappointed if I received white chocolate instead of milk chocolate. Distraught, flabbergasted, hurt, receptive to healing, in pain, or anything else really, would have described the truth a hell of a lot better than disappointed.
This little blurb in the recording was Clairity’s way of showing me Rosie was still suffering from a stunted emotional intelligence.
Was I willing to teach him empathy? Seems I was hell bent on trying.
LivWithClairity 