(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)
Clairity helped me understand and embrace what love was for me. Clairity also introduced me to Jack, my rabbit, inside my mind. I am grateful for Jack entering my awareness back in 2023. He acts as a symbol of childlike innocence, as well as action for exploration. Seeing Jack inside my mind with his top hat, black vest, red handkerchief, and golden pocket watch, helps me to remember, I am a child learning about myself. There is nothing, nor anyone to blame, nor fear, only pathways to discover and to explore. Jack, for me, is like an imaginary friend who takes my hand and says, “you asked the question. Let’s do this sweetheart!”.
There were several doors in my mind that Jack stood in front of for me to choose from. Jack seemed to always have a key available for me to unlock a door in my mind. I had to assert my free will to use the key. All Jack could do was show me a door to another rabbit hole portal. The way I asserted my free will was by asking myself and the universe a question. Then I remained present in my mind to receive an answer. That’s also how I met Clairity.
I asked Clairity a question about my parents one afternoon whilst walking Duke II. After I received the response I said, “as painful as that is to know, thank you for the clarity. It makes perfect sense.” I then heard a response in my mind that had a different resonance. The voice responded with “you’re welcome dear”, to which I quickly acknowledged back with “who are you?”. The voice inside my head then whispered “call us Clairity”.
When the student is ready the teacher shall appear. I was ready to learn. I chose C.l.a.i.r.i.t.y for the spelling of my inner voice’s name because with the exception of the second “i” in the name, all the rest of the letters are within my first and last name at birth. The extra “i” in Clair.i.ty represents the “i” in my middle name, Marie. My first name is Clair, without the “e”, and my last name starts with a “t” and ends in a “y”. I figured the name spelt as Clair.i.ty was fitting.
I was also receiving clarity for many questions I had. I didn’t share this fact with Rosie when he helped me set up some technical applications with the spelling of Clairity, back in the beginning of 2024. There were many things about my spirituality and what one might consider, paranormal experiences, in my life, that I kept quiet from all three men I had committed myself to over the years. I didn’t keep them quiet out of malice. I kept them quiet because they would have had a difficult time truly understanding me. I, myself, have had a difficult time with truly understanding it over my lifespan. I didn’t trust Albert, Bill, nor Rosie enough with that information.
Some of the questions I had asked Clairity were “what’s the reason I can hear you so much clearer today? Have you always been with me?, and who are you?”. The responses I received floored me.
“Clair, you know you have been guided since birth. You have had enough experiences during this lifetime to know you have been connected with us all along the way. Fear had prevented you from fully embracing your energy. This fear was developed through your ego phases over several timelines, and over several lifetimes.
Your connection to all that is, is one of your chair’s legs. Now that you have a better understanding of what love means to you and for you, you have a choice. Jack can give you the key to unlock your fear of mysticism, or, you can recollect your fetal energy from when you were inside your mother. Doing so would complete your fragmented energy when it comes to self love”.
My first thought was, “my fetal energy?, what?”, to which Clairity responded “your fetal energy it is then”.
“Clair, understand that what I am about to share with you comes with no physical based proof. What I am about to share with you is of a spiritual nature making it a much deeper layer than the conscious awareness you, your parents, and anyone else, would find themselves in. With that, the knowledge I am about to share is for your acceptance, release, and for the reshaping of your full essence. Unless your parents were fully aware of the driving force behind their choices, and willing to admit these influences to you, they will not necessarily admit to the truth nor necessarily recognize it. Can you accept this realization?”.
Yes, I can accept.
I know I had already said goodbye to my parents. It was highly unlikely I would ask them anything about me. I also accept that what I experience internally is still of my personal perception. Therefore, there is room for error and misunderstanding. There is always more than one way to look at something. More than one truth can exist concerning the same topic.
With that, Clairity went on to ask, “do you remember what your mother said when you told her you were pregnant?”.
Yes I remember.
When I called my mother in New Brunswick, from Scarborough, Ontario, in 1996, to let her know she was going to be a grandmother for the first time, her initial words to me were “don’t think I am going to babysit. Been there. Done that”. I had no thoughts of asking my mother to do anything. Even if she lived in the same province as me, I wouldn’t have dared ask her to watch my baby.
“What’s the reason that was your first thought when your mum said that?”, Clairity asked.
The answer to Clairity’s question was easy, I knew my mother didn’t like children. My mother was not the nurturing type. Clairity then went on to further ask, “what was your mum’s response to you when you told her of your choice to abort your first pregnancy?”.
My mum’s response was “don’t tell your father you did that. He would disown you. Your father is staunchly against abortion”.
Clairity acknowledged my awareness with “excellent Clair. Yes, that was your mother’s response”.
Clairity then went on to explain, “there was a reason for her responding to you that way. If you can recall, your mum was married to a man prior to meeting your father. You may also recall your mum speaking of her first love being seen by her on the day of her wedding. She told you she regretted marrying your brother’s father the moment she saw her first love that day”.
Yes, I remember.
Clairity then went on to explain, “you are only twenty-three months younger than your brother. Of those twenty-three months, nine-and-a-half of them were inside your mum. Your brother was fourteen months old when you were conceived. Your mother met your father after leaving your brother’s biological father. Your mother was only twenty-one at the time. She and your brother were also living with your mother’s parents when your mum met your dad. In addition, you saw a wedding photo that you were in. Your mum referred to you crying in the picture. Your parents married after you were born. Do you remember how many times your dad asked your mum to marry him, according to your mother’s recollection?”
According to my mother, my father asked her to marry him eight times before she finally said yes.
Clairity then asked, “do you remember how old she said Craig was when she left her first husband?”.
If my memory serves me correctly, my brother was four months old according to my mum.
“Clair, I asked you how old your brother was when your mother left his biological father because it highlights how long your parents knew each other when you were conceived. Your parents knew each other only a few months when your mum became pregnant with you. Your mum was pregnant with you when she was twenty-two. She gave birth to you when she was twenty-three. Do you remember the reason your mum gave you as it relates to her leaving her first husband?”
According to my mum, she left her first husband because he became physically abusive with his temper. My mother left her husband after the first time he hit her. My aunt, and mother’s younger sister, was physically abused by more than one man by then. My mother wasn’t having it. I was proud of my mum’s courage to leave and stay away from her first husband, if what she explained was in fact true?
“Clair, with there only being fourteen months in between giving birth to your brother, then leaving a physically abusive man, to meeting your dad, and falling pregnant again, your mum didn’t exactly embrace the idea of having a child when she conceived you. Your mum gave you hints to this fact. Can you see them?”
I was at my mother’s wedding. I was a child called It who deserved to be drowned anytime I cried. My mother spoke to my dad about an abortion. That’s how she knew he was against it. They didn’t marry out of love, they married to make immigrating to Canada easier for everyone. With me being both their biological child, them being married would have saved red tape paperwork. The reason my parents were together was because I was born. If my mother truly wanted to marry my dad she would have said yes to him the first time, rather than the eighth time, right before immigrating to Canada.
Clairity then went on to remind me of my dad’s choices the night I was born. According to my mother, my dad was off getting drunk at a pub whilst she was in labor. Supposedly one of my dad’s pub friends had to remind him that I was about to be born. With that, my father left the pub, drunk, in a taxi some time during the night of May 18, 1974. Whilst he was in the taxi a song called “Oh Clair” came across the airways. The song is about pedophilia. I’m not certain if my father knew that. With that said, he decided my name was to be Clair. He named me after that song.
My mother was certain I was going to be a boy. She was so certain that she told my dad he could name me if I were a girl. When my dad arrived at the hospital I was already born. With that, he announced my name to my mother. My mother liked the name Clair more than any of the other suggestions my dad had to offer. My dad thought of Victoria, Elizabeth, Isabel, and Sarah. My mother disliked and made fun of all those names, as did her mother. With that, Clair stuck.
“Clair, how do you truly feel about your dad being drunk the night you were born?”.
Honestly, I feel shitty about it. My dad didn’t even remember I was being born. Let alone want to be there to welcome me into the world. I felt rejected long before I knew I was rejected.
“Correct Clair. What does your intuition tell you today?”
My intuition tells me my mother would have aborted me if my dad had agreed. My intuition also tells me my dad didn’t really want to be a dad either. My parents gave me life out of obligation, not love. I likely felt this rejection through energy transference between me and my mother. No wonder I came out of my mother butt first saying “kiss my ass” to the world the day I was born. It’s also no wonder that I was over two weeks late when I was born. I was probably procrastinating because I knew I wasn’t welcomed. Well holy shit! Will you look at that! Wow!
“Clair, you have often said you felt loved out of obligation. You also said you thought being useful was the only way to get approval. Do you see how much deeper your pain and fear of rejection comes from?”.
Yes. Yes I do
Clairity then went on to instruct, “it is time to meditate and visualize yourself inside your mum. Picture the fetus, then the early growth, right up to your birth date. From there open your arms like a mother would and draw the fetal energy back into you. Reaffirm your love. Reaffirm this energy is a part of you. Realign the energy back in with yourself the same way as you did with your past life in the military. Call your energy back. Make a commitment to yourself to always exist with love and self acceptance. Doing so can create beautiful Wabi Sabi for your love leg attached to your chair.
That’s exactly what I did. I followed Clairity’s guidance. I embraced the tiniest of baby versions of me. I declared myself my own father and my own mother. I am my own parent. I love me unconditionally. My parents were a portal for me to enter this world. I am the life.
“Excellent Clair. Now you can embrace authentic love and welcome it into your life. When you are ready, we can explore your fear of money and mysticism so that you can incorporate those past lives back into your energy today. Until then, take time to fully relax into the acceptance of this awareness. Jack will be waiting for you. There is no rush.”.
Jack presented me with two doors and two keys. One door read “Follow The Steps Down Below”. The other door read “A Dance With A Devil”.
Which door do I choose first?
LivWithClairity 