(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Mature subject matter. Reader discretion is advised. 18+)
Inside my mind, I envision a wooden medieval door, only tiny. Rabbit size, if you will. My imaginary friend named Jack appears in my life one way or another. Each time I pose a question to myself to better understand my subconscious mind, Jack appears. Jack would either show up in my mind, or a rabbit would come around me in nature. Whenever I see a rabbit, I know I am about to be presented with another key to unlock another painful and hidden psychological pattern.
Jack is an imagined character inside my mind to remind me, as scary, and as often painful discoveries are, they are to be viewed from the perspective of a child first. In other words, it is important to look at yourself within the eyes of innocence. Before taking on the role as an adult who should have known better .
I am a child who is actively choosing to understand myself, basically. With that, Jack, just by his representation, reminds me to have courage in life and to be adventurous with a light hearted approach, wherever, and whenever possible. In my mind, Jack offers me imagined keys which prompt me to look towards an inner door that had been locked away, deep inside my own forbidden vault.
Jack had offered me a choice between two doors at this stage during the long drive back to Fredericton with Bill. I had a decision to make when I stood in front of each entrance inside my mind. Doors beckoning me to look at my painful memories differently. The beautiful voice accompanying Jack inside my mind gestured with her gentle loving hand out, as if to say “come inside. I’ve got you”.
Am I ready to truly understand my pain?, or, do I recognize I am not ready to enter just yet. After all, most men scared me, secretly.
Only ask a question you are truly ready to hear the answer to. Accountability is a painful bugger sometimes. Doing that exercise in my mind became my starting point to level up my wise discernment. I am grateful for my imagination of Jack. I still have him as a loving friend inside my mind.
When I see a rabbit externally to me I greet it with a “hiya Jack. It’s nice to see ya”. If I see Jack on a regular basis in my neighborhood, I am informed of an impending move. Usually this move would be a change in my perception. When I see two rabbits, I call them Jack and Ginger. They represent a physical change in location.
Before I take you through my twelve year old, mini castle door, it’s important to me that I address an important detail.
Every single person in my life, especially those referred to in this true life adventure, are both a villain and a victim. As am I. We all played roles to help each other in our soul’s evolution. Playing both roles of the student and the teacher for each other.
Both my mum and dad, my brother, my two ex-husbands, Rosie and his family, my two children, sweet grandchildren, past friends, lost relatives, and sexual predators, are on their individualized life journey. They all have their own mind. They all have their own way to internalize life. They are here to discover themselves at their own pace. It’s the entire point of being here on this physical plain. They have stories. They have experiences. They have trauma as well. Some trauma had nothing to do with me and some of their mental anguish would most certainly involve me. Life is life’in. There is no one to blame. Only learn from.
As you continue to walk with me down each broken path on my journey, remember, hurt people hurt people due to their subconscious patterns they are unaware of. Who’s at fault really? Them for acting out in pain and hurting me the way they did?, or, me for agreeing to believe them so that I could hurt myself? Then carry their pain plus my own on my back? Resulting in my choice to act out from pain just like them.
If I held pain towards any of them, I would hurt them more than realized. Retaliation of any kind, thoughts, or physical, would have consequences. I would also be hurting myself by reenacting the emotions. I would be doing that by looping the memory from only one perspective inside my mind. I would replay pain and keep them as villainous prisoners.
Like I said, hurt people hurt people. Including soft hearted people. We all do it at some point in our lives. We are all loved by spirit just the same.
If I do not take accountability for my choices, how am I to truly learn? How am I to truly evolve as a loving creation? You are being given a glimpse into my mind. I am only one character amongst many when you read my story. To truly see the truth in all aspects of my life, you would have to jump inside each person’s mind that I write about in this journey. Then broaden your mind even further than that. You would have to look at my life from all angles and from a far greater perspective.
Within every truth, someone can see a lie. Within every lie, someone can see a truth.
This writing is my truth. This is my understanding. My goal for you is to help you see what you believe is true for you, so that you can better understand yourself. You are on a gentle journey into unconditional love. Your honest acceptance of everything you have been through is unconditional love. Keep walking with me. It will all make sense in time. If not, well at least its entertaining.
LivWithClairity 