Category: Self Help

(Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)

I became pregnant with Laura, my youngest daughter, when Liv, my eldest, was four months old. Although Laura wasn’t planned, she was a highly welcomed soul into my world. I was pregnant for eighteen months out of a twenty-four month’s span. I loved every minute of it, more or less. Laura and I experienced morning, noon, and night sickness. Fun times

“Clair, do you remember what your father said to you when you told him you were pregnant with your second child?”

My father said, “bloody hell Clair. He can’t keep off of you long enough to breathe. Close your legs for a while”, or something to that effect.

“Correct. Your father showed judgment when it came to your choices in intimacy. Your father expressed disinterest in your emotions at that time as well. Your father also disrespected your husband for his expression of love towards you, and your’s and Albert’s choices in lifestyle. Your father did this in those few words alone. Can you recognize the patterns being fed here? Judging your intimacy reinforced that you were only with a man for sex. This triggered your nine year old little girl inside. In an instant, his statements towards you strengthened your fear of men without realizing it.

Further to this, when your father had disregarded your emotional state, you had reinforced that silence is best. You proved to yourself through that experience that you were emotionally dramatic. That your emotions were unimportant. You then continued to prove to yourself through your partners that your voice, and emotional state were to be ignored. You placed yourself on the bottom of your life’s priority list. You had been fighting to climb your own list ever since.

In addition, you bounced between extremes when it came to intimacy. With Albert, intercourse was healthy. Then the healthy energy between you both deteriorated to a few days a month. With Bill, the same cycle occurred at an increased impact. You and Bill were intimate once or twice a month for many years. With Rosie, you were sexually active with him regularly when together. You also attracted Rosie to hurt you this way through his perception and ego addiction to seek out other lovers whilst with you. You also used Rosie’s ego to be sexually aggressive towards you.

Through Rosie, and unbeknownst to you, you were  punishing yourself for your actions as a soldier in a previous life. You held onto the vibration of guilt. You became the victim to honor your victims from that lifetime. You chose to see once again from their perspective. You held the victim and perpetrator energy when it came to honoring love for many lifetimes. You were holding so tightly to this guilt that you attracted Rosie, the soldier, to play an old version of yourself, who was also a soldier. It was for this reason, he felt so familiar to you. You have known his energy for lifetimes. Can you see this?”.

Wow, mind-blowing. Yes, I can see how that makes sense.

Clairity then went on to say, “you rejected intimacy by attracting men who would not be able to see your mind and who agreed with your own perception of you. Without them, nor you, realizing it. The only differences between all of you were the unique and creative free will expression of each soul and ego state involved. Like you, your father, both husbands, and Rosie, rejected intimate love. They simply expressed their fear in their own way through their free will choices.

Finally, through your father’s choices of words and intentional messaging, you reinforced you had a lack of intelligence because you were making irrational decisions. The message your father gave your inner teenager was, you were naive and uneducated with respect to the outside world. This message was what helped to feed this fictitious insecurity within you. This message then assisted in you attracting Bill, who doubted your abilities to be highly successful, and Rosie, who told you to wear a helmet when making decisions. Can you see the hidden pattern and belief you were reinforcing to yourself?”

Oh my goodness, yes I do.

“Excellent. Remember to recognize, their choices and actions towards you were closely linked to their own internal messages. They may have carried the title of Dad, husband, and Rosie. Like you, they all have internal ego states. They, like you, are carrying the energy of all their ages through ego evolution. Remember the Sphinx’s riddle. It applies to all in creation.

All souls came into your life to help you see what you were saying to yourself. When you ignore painful and unloving messages you are giving to yourself, the universe assists you in the creation of external stimulation to help you see what you are creating. You create from your mind. You must see your mind clearly to create consciously. With that, external stimuli assist with this process. You in turn are reflecting messages to the inner ego states of your father, past husbands, Rosie, and all people you have come into contact with and with whom you have yet to meet.

It is for this reason you trigger people, and people trigger you. The trigger is an internal signal for an external message you are giving to yourself subconsciously. Each message may sound different and look different. The consistency is noticeable as you continue to see past what you see. You know this. This reminder is to keep the flow of forgiveness flourishing.

Now that you can identify the patterns, you can continue to talk to the younger version of yourself who received the experience, and developed these fears. You can be her parent by highlighting what you have come to learn. You must do this process every time you make a pattern connection. Otherwise, your previous version’s energy frequency will fight with your current self to create experiences which cultivate questionable doubt in your character. By continuing to identify your ego, you remain in integrity. Whilst equally reinforcing your own unique perception and intelligence”. 

“Clairity, I didn’t attract my dad. My dad helped to create me. How does that work exactly?”, I asked. Clairity’s response was enlightening to say the least.

“You contracted to play the role of daughter for your father, and your father contracted to play the role of your dad, before your physical vessel was ready. There are several factors involved in this harmonious selection. Soul families share familiars in earthly form.

Every soul has infinite energy to create with. Creation is designed through polarities which require a spectrum of light and dense energy. This lighter and denser, faster or slower, energy, is manipulated with your mind and your ability to maintain balance between your feminine and masculine forces. Which are, your intellect and your emotional state. You, like your father, identify with an ego to assist in the balance of creation.

The role for universal laws is in constant effect to maintain balance in all of creation. Adjustments are made to maintain this balance. These adjustments nourish creation’s infinite ego states. You have an infinite amount of ego state reflections, as does your father. Therefore, a reflection of you within a particular level of ego evolution, and a reflection of his soul in a particular level of ego evolution, were a harmonious match. You chose which ego state of evolution your father existed in that best suited your soul’s mission. Therefore, you guided your father who was in the ideal ego state, from spirit, before your vessel was ready.

You were the soul who whispered “Clair” to him whilst he was intoxicated in the taxi en route to the hospital. You inspired your father to be inspired by the song “oh Clair” that was played on the car radio. You designed your life this way because you have a beautiful sense of irony and humor. You often lovingly joked in this lifetime that you were named Clair because intuitive labels begin with the name Clair. Clairaudience, clairvoyance, and clair cognizant, etc. You know you have tapped into these abilities . You joked of the coincidence. You are quite humorous and ironic at times”.

Well holy shit! Would you look at that! Okay, I accept this truth and release my dad’s energy with love.

“Speaking of choices, remember what had occurred the day you assisted Laura into the world”, Clairity instructed.

Clairity is urging me to write about my experiences with medical staff. I am procrastinating on this one. My ego doesn’t want to face some loving truths. With that said, seeing Laura breathe and come off of life support, is a memory I cherish.

On the other scale, being told I was being dramatic whilst pushing out a human being still gives me a twinge inside. Damn that day was brutal. I am eternally grateful for how strong my beautiful baby decided to be. Otherwise she wouldn’t be here today.

Doctors scare me. I know I have to do this. I have to rebuild my trust in myself when it comes to trusting others, including medical staff.

(Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)

One would think that me being someone having some of her teeth missing, presents as being below a healthy weight, and no beauty standard care which the outside world would perceive as beautiful, (my gorgeous daughter supplies me with food and warm showers, thank goodness), I would be someone who didn’t care about herself or was someone to secretly judge. I can recognize this.

Over my life, in particular since being an adult, I have had projections sent my way. These projections affected me deeply. As I have mentioned before, I am extremely sensitive to energy. I am aware even when I say nothing. I may not know exactly what a person is thinking. What I feel is the intentions in their energy. Then I translate the information into a message.

With that, over the years, I have received different messages such as, “she’s a hypochondriac”, from my parents and occasionally Rosie and his mum. “She’s just looking for attention”, from my parents, brother, Rosie and his mum, and some past school teachers. “You need to put on weight”, from my mother, Rosie, and a couple of past acquaintances. “She looks like shit”, or, “poor Clair. She constantly struggles”, from all people I have loved or currently love within my circle of people. You get the picture.

All of these projected energies aided in the deterioration of my health. My mind was absorbing their messages. When I read their messages, my brain internalized it as me reaffirming their thoughts of me as truth. I was a hypochondriac. I was an attention seeker. I did look like shit. My mind then took over and exacerbated my decline in health because I agreed with them. If you doubt them then a part of you believes them. When you are neutral, you likely don’t know what they are talking about.

Your brain cannot distinguish the difference between talking to someone else versus talking to yourself. Your brain absorbs and processes information solely based on what you tell it. What you tell it is what you are either thinking, or saying. Along with whatever emotional vibration you are experiencing. From there, your brain translates the data and assists you in your health by analyzing your body. Then begins the process of changing your body’s melecular structure to match your thought process. In other words, we are all hypochondriacs. Disease starts in the mind. Then manifests into physical form when thought of long enough.

“Clair you attracted people who would view you that way so that they would agree with you, not necessarily the other way around. Remember, you attract other versions of creation to play the opposite role of what is authentically true for you, to give you external judgment. You do this because you subconsciously desire external validation. You also require someone to reflect your inner thoughts back to you because you had unintentionally turned a deaf ear to your own inner critic. Even self-sabotaging validation is still seeking out external judgment. This is natural and helpful to prove your ego conditioning is correct. When your ego conditioning is healthy, you seek out and attract healthy individuals who can be your external messenger. Some messages you received may not have been the truth. You determined they were true for you. Your inner child didn’t know that until you took care of her.

Your inner child, just like any physical child, loves to be recognized, understood, and supported. Your inner child, when you chose to be unaware, plays pretend, based upon what you were exposed to as a child at that age. You seek out what you know. What you don’t know is what comes as a surprise”, Clairity reminded. I guess we are all little people at heart.

If you notice, a person may shrug off a compliment, or, deny a compliment altogether. This may be because they disagree with the compliment. Internally, they experience a contradictory belief. On the flip side, when someone insults them in some way, they may react harshly. Their reaction is acceptance of the information. In this instance, the person receiving the message subconsciously agrees with the message. When we are unable to hear ourselves, we rely on others to externally validate us to help us hear what we are telling ourselves.

In these instances, the complimenter would be reinforcing a loving message within themselves through speaking. The insulter would be reinforcing their message to themselves when speaking. The one receiving the external message would be editing the message from the other person. Then reinforce what they believe within themselves. Whatever each one of their brains collects as data then shifts the vibration of the person based upon their external and internal speech. This co-creation creates an agreeable atmosphere or a disturbed environment for all involved.

With that in mind, my mind took me down a rough and painful journey. I had been, and still am to a degree, if I were perfectly honest, in physical discomfort on a daily basis since the age of twelve. As I had mentioned before, I am now fifty-one. When I was twelve I grew four inches in one summer. I grew so fast that my parents took me to a specialist to see if I may have had a growth concern. I did not. The growing pains were brutal. I was just in a hurry to grow it seems. I stopped growing after that. Well sort of. My breasts and hips came in during that time as well. Fun times

“Clair do you remember what your mum had echoed back to you just after your thirteenth birthday and jokingly throughout your adult years whilst in her life?”, Clairity asked.

Yes, I do remember. My mum would say, “you said you didn’t want to turn thirteen. I can see why you didn’t want to. You changed overnight. You turned thirteen and that was it. You knew everything”.

Those aren’t the exact words my mum used. Close enough. Basically my mum reminded me of when I had trepidation about turning thirteen on more than one occasion.

“Correct. Your mum was being a physical conduit for you to hear your fear. You feared turning thirteen. What’s the reason you feared this?”.

Oh man, Clairity hits hard sometimes. I feared turning thirteen because I didn’t want to have a woman’s body. Men had already hurt me and I didn’t even have breasts yet. I could imagine how much more danger I was going to be in once I developed breasts. I wanted to be a girl. I just didn’t want to look the part enough for a man to prey on me.

“Clair, what did your dad decide to do when your breasts did start to come in?”.

My dad went to work and made a training bra out of safety masks and rubber bands. One of the face masks was larger than the other. He made it that way because I had one breast a little larger than the other in the beginning.

“What did your father joke about when he presented you with his creation?”

My dad said, “here you go Lefty. Here’s your new training bra”.

I was so embarrassed. My mum laughed. My brother laughed. It was a standing joke for a while. My parents joked about it with my friends. I was nicknamed Lefty until my right breast grew to the same size. I hated my body back then.

“Did you catch it Clair?”, Clairity asked.

“Catch what?”, I thought.

“Did you catch yourself admitting that you hated your body back then?”

Oh shit, yes I see it. I had beaten up my own body. Wow. Talk about taking accountability. When I had that revelation, Clairity explained further.

“As you have identified, your brain processed your beliefs about yourself and your environment and began to create a physical manifestation within your body to represent the dis-ease. Your body has been vibrating in survival mode since your father left for Canada in 1976. Whilst you were with your mum in England, you fell ill. You contracted pneumonia with the help of the concrete kitchen slabs you were crawling on at the time. After the hospital stay which scared you, you flew to Canada. You were less than two-and-a-half years old.

You were not seated with your mum. You were seated with a strange man. Your mum used to tell people you cried the entire eight hour flight. That the man you were seated with had to give you peanuts just to shut you up. This was traumatic for you. From that moment on, you started to fear separation, physical discomfort, and rejection. You no longer felt safe.

The dis-ease inside your body began. As the years progressed, you reinforced this dis-ease through the outward projections coming from your family, friends, and medical professionals. Over time, your body began to seize up. You trained your energetic body to run away. Your body hasn’t felt safe since you immigrated to Canada.

As you grew, you met people who physically attacked you. The teenage babysitter, necklace man, the bullies at school, and Sydney’s father. Your energy field was also affected by your mother’s, father’s, and brother’s thoughts and actions, or lack there of, towards you. In addition, there were two male teachers who hurt you. You were in middle school. The message you attracted was that you wouldn’t amount to anything. Your brain loved this data so much that you decided to commit yourself to men who would also reject you and secretly believed you wouldn’t amount to much. Your ego conditioning took over. Your body has been struggling in survival mode ever since. It is also for this reason that you designed an isolated life for yourself. Less people equated to less safety concerns in your mind”.

I digested Clairity’s insight for some time. It’s true. I caused my body to succumb to dis-ease. My next question to Clairity was, “how do I correct this and override my conditioning? I choose health and well-being”.

Clairity’s response was, “you are already doing it”.

I am?, I thought

“Clair, have you noticed that since leaving Rosie, you have gone over a year without cramp?”

Yes, I have clocked that. I’m excited by this fact.

Clairity then went on to explain, “energy affects energy. Rosie’s energy vibrated at a lower frequency than yours. You had severe cramp attacks when with Rosie. You cramped on the daily for quite some time during your time with him. Your body was telling you you weren’t safe. You didn’t make this connection. You also saw yourself as a burden. Your body received this information and created burdensome physical sensations to reinforce this. Clair, you programmed your body without realizing it.

Your body reacts the moment you perceive a sense of discomfort or danger. Your body protects you through what it knows. What it knows is to run. With that, even when you were still, your body was in constant flight mode. During extreme distress, your body seized up from your brain telling your muscles to convulse uncontrollably to simulate running. The rapid muscle movement then created spasms which fatigued your muscles. Cramps formed in your body to which you experienced the painful physical effects. You then developed an association with warm water as soothing and safe, just like a blanket over your body when you sleep. This is a symbolic form of safety for you. You associate warmth with safety and cold with pain.

Since being back in New Brunswick, you have been realigning yourself and reinforcing to yourself that you are safe. You became your inner child’s parent. Your inner child feels safe with you. With that, your body is beginning to relax and recalibrate”.

I found that incredibly interesting. I was also grateful for this knowledge. I had to know more.

“Clairity, what’s the reason I cramp when it’s damp or cold?”, I inquired.

“You cramp because of fear”.

Fear I thought?

“Yes Clair. You have linked cold dampness as a polar opposite to warmth. When you are cold you shiver. When you shiver your muscles vibrate. Once this occurs, you fear cramp. Which then pulls you out of the mindset of safety. With that, you inadvertently place your energy into survival mode causing an increase in physical discomfort. You anticipate the risk of cramping the moment you leave the house on a damp or cold day. You expect to cramp so you do”.

Well shit, how do I fix this realization?

Clairity offered a suggestion.

“Keep doing what you are doing. Keep journeying into knowing yourself. Remind yourself that you are safe. Remind yourself to trust divine cosmic forces. People are being sent your way to assist you with your health. Resources are available. Trust in the timing.

In addition to that, respect your body. Listen to your body when it is telling you it’s overworked. Listen to your body when it is alerting you of potential danger. Love your body as much as you love your mind. The more you balance your inner child, teenager, and adult energy, the healthier you become. You are already doing this. Now it is a matter of trusting the sources of aid headed towards you. You have had a challenge with trusting medical professionals. It is time to review the reason for this. Revisit your memory of Laura’s birth. It is a pivotal moment in your health journey.

My beautiful Laura. What a miraculous experience indeed.

(Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)

The reconciliation process between my ego and money has been an ongoing journey since leaving Rosie in August, 2024. In fact, if you have been following along in my journey since the beginning, then you are in my present day healing with me. What I mean by that is, the revelations and connections Clairity helped me to discover has been recent. I talk to my God everyday. I hear Clairity everyday. I ask questions everyday.

“Clair, remember, life is like a chair. One leg of your chair is for your chosen family, one leg is for your passion, one leg is for your faith, and one leg of your chair is for exploration of self. You are seated upon the chair. Money and health go hand-in-hand in the physical realm. One affects the other. When one is off balance, so is the other.

It is for this reason, poverty helps to create riches. Poverty creates disharmony. Disharmony in the energy creates denser energy. Denser energy influences mindsets. Minds create dis-ease. A mind which is in chaos, stress, desperate, depressed, and believes money is only for the rich and powerful, aid in a lucrative financial flow for health supplies, government bodied institutions, and other forms of distracting support. It’s difficult to create money for yourself when you are focused on others creating it and taking advantage of the money mindset.

Those whom subconsciously reject money, send the money frequency to those who accept money freely. Those with money have this knowledge. They either know this intuitively or consciously. Some use their power for good. They assist others and give back through an authentic channel. Some allow their ego to help others believe they are not of equal value to receive. Some financially wealthy individuals use their knowledgeable power to maintain a great divide in financial efficacy.

People rejoice when you are in poverty. People rejoice when you are rich. You get to decide which journey to take. Both come with glorious challenges and triumphs. Both provide you experiences with others who you can empower and  who can empower you. You can also choose people to experience disempowerment with as well. Money is a tool used to help you achieve either arena. It’s an adventure of your choosing. Trust yourself and allow money to support you. To do that, you must go deep within to reconcile and build a healthy relationship. Money is an extension of all that is after all. Money is a reflection of the God source.

Health and mental wellness would change the frequency of rejection to acceptance. This would create equal reciprocity in financial wealth once realized. Rather than the rejected flow of money continuing to flow to those who love money, money would flow to all equally. All would be resonating within a gratitude state of love.

Money recognizes the love frequency of the individual’s energy. This includes someone who may be experiencing an impoverished reality. Therefore, an impoverished person who loves themselves and expresses authentic love to the universe, can receive inspirational knowledge to allow the flow of money to enter their reality. You Clair are such a being.

It is important to recognize, money flows in the frequency of love. It is for this reason, ill intended individuals, and entities, can be rich in the earthly sense because they can maintain the frequency of love when they psychically link to money. When they can maintain this frequency, they maintain and grow riches through the law of attraction.

A person doesn’t have to love themselves to be rich. They do have to love money. In order for a person to be wealthy in mind, they have to love themselves.

A person’s ego may cause havoc in the way they utilize their money and status. They may have a difficult time with self love. They may be being controlled by another source. Believing their life would crumble if they didn’t perform in some way. Nonetheless, money stays and grows where it is loved.

Most people who have financial struggles subconsciously resent money without realizing it. Just like you did. They express their interest in receiving. Yet, their frequency vibrates in desperation, envy, jealousy, hopelessness, or resentment more often than not. This love, hate mindset, and vibration, results in blockages and a denser frequency in your reality. When you are in this slower vibrating frequency, you inadvertently reject the flow of currency. They are disharmonized.

With that, your ego conditioning over your journey kept you in a state of rejection. This affected your health. By keeping money away from you subconsciously, you also rejected medical benefits. This too is a form of income. If you were physically healthy, then you would be financially supported as well.

Your mind became so destitute, that you were unable to keep up with your gym membership. You began to lose muscle tone and weight. You accepted that Rosie was accepting of the deterioration of your light. You accepted the fact that he chose not to invest in you. You were okay with him buying expensive things and not thinking to invest in the aid of your health. This was your comfort zone.  Your energy then vibrated in such a way that you were unable to ingest food. I’m certain you can see the spiral. Your love for money and your love for your health go hand-in-hand. They are a balanced scale in frequency. You are a psychophysical being.

Your mind and health began to dim. When you are seated upon your chair of life, both your health, and the frequency of money, seep down the chair and into each one of your supporting legs. Energy is everlasting and in constant motion. When you reject energy, energy still has somewhere to go. In this instance, depressed energy flowed down into your legs which created cracks and blockages in your health, wealth, relationships, and over all well being”, Clairity explained.

I have thought long and hard about the reasons I have deeply struggled with financial independence. Back in the day, from 2012 to 2014, I taught classes on communication. I explained many times over many seminars, words affect your mind’s perception and can create adverse effects without realizing it.

As an example; if you ask a person “why did you do that?”, as opposed to, “what made you decide to do that?, you would receive a wall of energy back. The wall would read, “defenses up”.

The word “why” ignites the teenager ego inside a person. The word why is associated with defense for your teenager ego. The layering of this internal feeling of annoyance or defense comes from when you are questioned this way in your lifetime.

First, when you were knee high to a budgie, you ask why a lot. Then when you became a teenager, you cringed when someone of perceived authority asked you why. You linked the word “why” with having to explain yourself. A frequency of either doubt, or, insult, or both, kicks in. The adult version of you today, when not aware, reacts in defensive mode. Most people do.

In addition, if the word ‘try’ doesn’t ignite self defensiveness, there is a high risk of the word aiding in a victim mindset. It is extremely difficult to find solutions when there is so much to blame.

I can also recognize common sayings which are disempowering, within my culture anyway. Expressions such as, “money doesn’t grow on trees. You’ve gotta work for your money. Bloody hell Clair, do you think we are made of money?”.

These messages added layers upon layers of excuses as to the reason I was not worthy of money. These expressions, alongside my fear of  shaken morality, kept excuses rolling in. My fear of money thrived with the help of those types of messages. I bet you have expressions similar to these in your reality too? They are common and all reinforce an impoverished mindset.

“Wealth is a mindset. Riches are earthly pleasures. You are made of love. When you recognize this love within you, you experience the frequency of health, wealth, and financial abundance in some fashion. They all resonate naturally and harmoniously together in a perfect symphony. Energy flows constantly. You are the conductor of this energy” ~Clairity

When I was thinking about my relationship with money, Clairity reminded me of a dream I had. Clairity reminded me by giving me a huge flashback to a dream where I was walking inside what looked to be a pyramid. I was seated in bed, and asked Clairity “What’s the reason I am still penniless?”, when a vision smacked me square between the eyes. This dream seemed so real to me. I felt like I was reliving something. The moment Clairity reminded me, I was back in time in my mind.

In this dream I was wearing a garment that was form fitted on my upper torso and free flowing at my feet. I was being escorted down what looked like a tunnel of sorts. There weren’t stairs per say. It was more of a gradual decline, or incline, depending on the direction you would be facing. There were lit torches that lined either side of the walls. Approximately six to ten feet apart from one another leading us down the incline. I was being escorted by two males in front of me and two males behind me. They were dressed in different attire than myself. As we descended, in my mind, I knew I was being escorted to my final resting place. I was an honor sacrifice for someone.

At some point of my descent, I came to an opening which led to a large square room. Inside this room were riches and, wall chains. As well as some sort of flat stone table surface with metal attachments I believe? I only scanned the space with my eyes for a moment. I then walked inside. After I was inside this enormous space, I didn’t see my escorts. What I could see was sand coming down the walls and into the space. I stayed put. I knew I was being buried alive because I was someone’s favorite concubine. I knew without knowing. After I saw the sand come down the walls, I woke up. This dream disturbed me until recently when Clairity helped me understand.

“Clair, you experienced memories from a past life. You were a concubine back then. You were a concubine in this life. You were sacrificed for someone else’s status. You lived at the sacrifice of yourself for others in this lifetime. Sand came down the walls in that lifetime. Blood came down the walls in this lifetime. You lived a luxurious life. It was a perceived honor to be laid to rest with your person during that time. Your inner reality secretly disagreed. This inner knowledge is what you brought with you in this lifetime.

In addition, your memories then traveled with you into your life as a soldier. You were a concubine first. When you were the soldier you played the opposite role. You then became the one with concubines. You didn’t have a high regard for females in the country you were fighting against. You also experienced the sacrifice of your comrades. You then sacrificed yourself due to the burden of witnessing your comrades deaths. Both these fragmented memories were triggered in this lifetime. You carried your perception of money, sacrifice, infidelity, love, and acceptance for simply being you into each of your lifetimes. When you entered into this lifetime, you had coding which tied into these previous lives.

You moved from one extreme perception to the polar opposite perception. They were interwoven into the fabric of time which kept you misaligned. Remember the spider web metaphor. You held an ethereal cord with those past versions of you. You have been fighting with these traumas ever since.

Now that you are aware, and you have fully accepted your ego stages by integrating the energy back into yourself, you must complete this process and integrate your Egyptian timeline as well. Repeat the meditative process of recognition, acceptance through love and understanding, and then a final embrace to pull your energy back into alignment with all of you. Doing so assists in your confidence in who you are”.

Wow! What a revelation that was. It all makes sense. Now I accept the reasons for my choices in parents, friendships, lovers, careers, health deterioration, my lack in financial prowess, and loneliness. It’s connected. With that, I did reintegrate my energy by visualizing the part of me who was sacrificed for status. I associated money with that lifetime at a subconscious level. Who knew!? Clairity knew.

“Clair, now that you have a better understanding into the reasons you rejected money through an abundance of creative ways, what is your position today?”, Clairity asked. 

I am made with the love frequency. I know myself and have the awareness to check in with all the stages of my ego. Before, during, and after an experience. I recognize money may help to create a sense of imbalance at times. I also recognize I am guided, loved, and supported, always by the divine. With that, I love money and respect its power. I choose to use this abundance of currency to invest in my health, wealth, and overall well-being, so that I may invest the same energy into the world around me. I welcome money in morally correct ways.

“Excellent Clair. Now keep writing. Trust us. Let the messages flow. Next we shall discuss your trepidation for medical support. This must be reviewed before you can allow others to assist you in this area of your life. Your mind created your reality. You must remember this. Including with your health. You are a psychophysical being. It is time to make the connections”.

I agree

(Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)

Until recently, I chose to look at money as my nemesis. Intellectually I recognized money was required to enjoy a relatively stress free life. I can intellectualize, and empathize with people in all walks of life. I know everyone has stresses of some kind. Loneliness, superficiality, depression, disconnection, financial upheaval, responsibilities, and a plethora of other perceived obstacles, present themselves in all arenas of life, and within all perceived status. We are all energy beings.

We are all here collectively to learn about ourselves through each other. The universe, affectionately referred to as God in my reality, experiences self through an infinite amount of ways. You and me included. The 3D construct is creative expression to help create a reality for our uniquely designed learning style.

A destitute person can feel hopeless, so can a billionaire. Things are things. A soul’s interaction through the creation of an ego character is interwoven within all of creation. With that in mind, I can recognize that for me, money was the only way I could get out of the mess I created for myself through my choices. I resented that fact.

I associated money as evil because in my mind, people who like to manipulate people with power and money, hurt people. My inner nine year old child promised to never put herself in such a desperate state of mind that she would sell herself to anyone. In my world, money was the tool to maintain power, control, and egotistical pursuits. In my mind, my inner child, who so desperately wanted her dad to play with her instead of work, believed, men loved money, not her.

The reason I had the love hate relationship with money was because I had attached the symbol of money to the face of the Necklace man. Subconsciously, money equated to the deterioration of morality and human decency. This debilitating associative belief was the catalyst to my need to prove I am a good person, and that money wasn’t necessarily required. Due to the fear of money changing who I am, and the resentment I held because I was placed into a world which requires money, my central nervous system took a hit, again. I held this energy since nine years of age. I am soon to be fifty-two. That’s a long time to deny oneself.

When I thought of money, my muscles would vibrate. My body would cramp. My energy lowered. My mind became irritated. A downward spiral would occur. This mindset alone placed my energy into a denser reality. A reality which consisted of pleasing people to the point of giving myself away, as well as a reality of codependency.

I was desperate to be seen for me, not for any physical prosperity I may or may not have. I speak in the past to this because, well, Clairity offers wonderful insight. Money can only change me if I allow it. I know me. Therefore I have the discernment to choose. I have also been without money long enough to know that I love me with or without money. I see that I am a good person either way. My mind is what I take with me when I leave this physical reality permanently. My mind is my gold. Everything else is God’s brilliant sense of humor.

With that said, throughout my life, I would give of myself and my intuitive abilities freely to anyone who asked. When I realized, after the fact that they were only being pleasant in order to receive free insight, or some other physical benefit from me, I began to resent being a spiritual advisor. I began to resent being me. I attracted individuals who were willing to use me so that I could create an excuse to give up on my talents. I didn’t know it at the time. Clairity hit me with a sudden flashback which helped me put the pieces together.

“If you became increasingly successful by attracting authentic and lucrative inquiries, you would be financially independent. If you became financially independent then you feared your ego might take over. You feared losing all sense of morality. You feared losing yourself. You feared the responsibility that comes with money. You aligned yourself perfectly with other like minded energy who didn’t fear money and power, and who were in deep ego states, to play the villain for you. You were determined to prove to yourself that people with money would use you. You had to prove that people with money were controlling and manipulative. You kept seeing the Necklace man in different forms, through different faces, in different places. We are a collective consciousness. Therefore there is always someone to agree with you. There is always someone who can play that role for you. God experiences self through all reflections. Whatever your subconscious wishes to prove, you attract anyone and anything which helps to reinforce it. Anything is possible.

Money is a tool to help create power. With power comes great responsibility. You feared both”, Clairity explained.

I didn’t make that connection at the time. I was focused on resenting people for only wanting to know me because of what I could provide for them. I basked in ignorance. Until I had had enough. Once I couldn’t carry this heavy burden any longer, I reflected on my life’s circumstances. I caught myself asking questions. “Does my fear of money affect all areas of my life? Is my fear of money tied into the people I attracted both in business and personal?”.

“Clair, there have been many micro experiences which helped add layers to your subconscious belief. Your translation of money bled into all four legs of your chairs. Your association with money affected your intimate relationships, your career, your relationship with your parents, as well as your physical health and well-being. Not to mention this fear also helped to nourish your doubts in your creation, which fed oppressive energy. You then ignorantly allowed the energy to manipulate you.

Can you identify some of these micro experiences?”

Yes, I can.

“Which ones can you readily identify?”

Good question.

Rosie had, what I considered to be, a healthy income. Yet, two of my teeth broke and partially fell out whilst living with him. He didn’t help me other than to place me on his benefits a month before expiring at the end of 2023. Then we went to a couple of dental clinics to get a quote. His benefits wouldn’t have been able to cover most of the cost. Three weeks later, there were no more benefits.

I had lived with Rosie off and on from 2020 to 2024. I was Rosie’s “ignorance is bliss”, concubine, since October, 2014. He was fully aware of the position I was in. Rosie left me to solve my physical health, and financial situation for myself. Rosie offered the bare minimum.

I am currently living with this uncomfortable truth. I am actually impressed with how I have been able to live with a toothache for almost four years. I honor my strength. Thank goodness I no longer feel the need to prove it to others. I can also recognize looking back, that I had to ask Rosie for money to get feminine hygiene products or to promote my efforts in business. That was until Rosie offered to make me his employee off the record and pay me. That way I had money to do as I pleased. Rosie did throw some money my way when we first reconciled. He stopped fairly quickly. I would say within the first six months of living together. His change in behavior alerted me to his mom’s perception of me. I was only with her son for his money.

“Clair, did you catch it? Do you see the way you attracted an experience to have your character questioned when associated with money, and allowed money to control you through the actions from Rosie’s ego?”, Clairity asked.

Holy shit. Yes, I can. Interesting indeed.

Clairity went on to ask, “what can you identify in your fear pattern whilst being married to Bill?”

I remember him secretly resenting me from walking away from long-term disability insurance. I know I bought him a motorcycle with some of the insurance buy-out money. He sold the bike and didn’t offer to extend some of his profits my way. I also remember him financing a car for my birthday present in 2006, only for him to take it from me in 2017 with the promise to sell it and split fifty-fifty on the sale with me. Instead he took my car, “Betty”, fixed it up, showed me the receipt, and bragged about how inexpensive it was for him.

“I got a great deal. Cost me less than five hundred to fix her up”, Bill proudly announced. Then he kept my birthday present, drove it into the ground, then dropped Betty off at the wrecking yard. Good times. I also remember him saying to me on more than one occasion, “Tranquil Spirit is only going to be a mom and pop shop at best”. Which translated into hard work with little lifestyle rewards.

Clairity held my hand and wasn’t about to stop with her loving insight. “Excellent Clair. You are identifying the pieces. Your money puzzle is starting to take form. Keep going. What can you identify when being with your first husband, Albert?”.

Albert was all about his career. He also admired the finer things in life. I was comfortable with that. What I found challenging was he placed his career first and foremost. Then he placed his toys, skiing and golf adventures, and personal presentation second. Third on his priority list were his children. Last on the list was me. Albert and I had countless arguments about this. I had countless arguments with all three men I dedicated myself to about my perception of being placed last. Albert’s response was, “you knew that when you married me”. It used to piss me off when he said that. Work came first in his mind. His mind was unable to see mine.

I can recognize exactly where that is coming from. My dad worked a lot too. My mum was often home with Craig and I. My dad would work all hours. Sometimes seven days a week.

“Yes Clair, you are correct. You attracted a likeness to that of your father. With that said, you also used Albert as a villain to help remind you that having money equated to immoral sound judgment. Albert was your villain to help your childlike ego reinforce, money was more loveable than you”.

Wow, what a revelation. Thank goodness I know I love myself today. I have no desire to prove I am loveable. I have already achieved it. I love you Clairity. Thank you for your guidance, always.

“Our pleasure dear” Clairity acknowledged. “You have more to do with this money puzzle. You created hidden associations. They are deep within your mind. You are aware they are there. You dreamt about them. You brought them with you. It is time to integrate”.

Talk about a revelation to come. My distinguished Jack was standing before a door that read “Follow The Steps Down”. As Jack handed me the key to unlock the portal door, I took a big anxious sigh. I can do this. The truth may hurt. The truth also sets you free.

Ask a butterfly once they emerge from their cocoon. They’ll tell ya. Growing wings is a painful process. I remind myself, Clairity is guiding me, not intentionally hurting me. I choose to trust.

(Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)

I left my body once again. I didn’t move through walls this time. This time I floated out of the house through my bedroom window.

This particular dream occurred after my daughters, Liv and Laura, were born. Albert and I moved into our first house in Oshawa, Ontario sometime during 1996. My parents helped us with the down payment for our modest home. We paid back the down payment when Albert and I finally sold the house after his affair in 1999. That was a messy ordeal.

Albert didn’t like giving all the profit from the sale of the house back to my parents. It was the right thing to do so I made certain my parents were paid by the real estate lawyer. This dream transpired within a few weeks before my girls and I moved to New Brunswick. Unknowingly leaving Albert in Ontario for good in April, 1999.

Exiting through a window wasn’t quite the same as a denser wall. Going through a window was a quick blip. You would have thought there was no window present. It happened extremely fast. Once I was through the window, I felt a strong pull. I was then, almost instantly, transported to my grandparents’ home in England. Just like the way I flew to my parents’ house in Saint George.

There I was, floating above the sidewalk, outside my grandparents’ house. I knew it was their house because I had visited them during the summer of 1988 with my brother. I was served in a pub for the first time. I have been 5′ 9″, or 173 m, since the age of thirteen. I grew four inches in one summer. I looked like a grown adult. My brother was taller and older than me. He was served without any questions. We were also at the pub with my mum’s parents, as well as my uncle and his wife. My parents stayed back in Canada. It was just my brother and I who were sent to England for a summer visit. I was fourteen when I was standing in the pub beside my, then aunt, who was only 4′ 11″ tall, ordering a drink. My brother and I towered over everyone else in attendance. It was easy to be served. It was an interesting experience to say the least.

As I floated there, I saw my grandad working on a bowed window. According to my mother, my grandma West always wanted a bowed window at the front of her house. Their house wasn’t fancy. It was a quaint, middle-class, garden home, located on Reigns-Lee road in Ashton-Under-Lyne, England. Ashton-Under-Lyne would be considered a suburb of the city of Manchester, I believe?

“Clair, you must stop calling me dear. I have things to do. I am preparing for your grandmother’s arrival. You are interrupting me too often. You must stop. Every time you think of me, I hear you. It is like having a telephone ringing non-stop. I have things to do”, my grandad West explained.

I knew, and didn’t know what my grandad was referring to at the same time. Logically I couldn’t understand. Intuitively, I sure did.

“Okay Grandad”, I acknowledged. No sooner did I acknowledge my grandad’s instructions, I was whisked away once again. Only to return to my body and awaken. All day I kept thinking, “oh shit. Stop thinking about him. Stop thinking about him”. Then my thoughts would jump to, “you’re thinking of him now. Stop it! He’s busy!”

My mind was a bit tormented with the back and forth that day. I found the experience intriguing, as well as concerning. I did eventually let my grandad go. I know the reason I thought about him so much. I didn’t really know him. What made me think of him was the dream I had had with him at my parents’ home in Saint George, New Brunswick. I thought of him much less after this experience.

I recognized, even back then, that communication happens telepathically. I understood that my thoughts produced enough energy to affect my grandad in spirit. What I didn’t fully understand at the time was what Clairity helped to shed light on.

“Clair, as you know, we are all connected. Every soul is connected through thought. Think of a giant spider web. You are at the center of the web. Each thought, and interaction you have, sends an ethereal energy cord. This cord then connects to the person being thought of. Think of it like building an energetic umbilical cord and then lancing it towards, and then attaching it to a target. The more people you do this with, the bigger the web grows. You maintain these telepathic links until you choose to stop.

When you do not release your thoughts, you maintain the ethereal cord with another. When you are unaware of the connection and projections you are sending them, and they are sending you, you take on their energy as if it is yours. This can be burdensome at times. Maintaining this connectivity with another soul can create denser energy for you to carry. This can result in confusion, depression, anxiousness, and other ill intended thoughts. Reason being, you would become lost in a fog by assuming all your thoughts are your own. This isn’t always the case.

Having a telepathic connection can be healthy when you are aware. As an example, you can hear us. You can depict the messages and patterns in your awareness. You recognize when you are being guided. When you acknowledge this guidance, we see, hear, and feel your energy. This is how we remain connected to you. With that said, even souls in the astral plains have a life to live. They may be in a different form. Nonetheless, they have their life and you have yours. It is important to recognize this and respect others equally. Both in spirit form and in the earthly body.

When you are unaware, you can create challenging thoughts, ideas, and idolizations. You’re individual autonomy is crucial in the navigation of your reality. Remain mindful of the power of telepathy. Just because someone is unaware of the way they are being influenced, you are aware. With great power comes great responsibility.

If ever you find yourself thinking ill thoughts about someone, choose to see the self empowering knowledge you gained through your interaction with them. See them as your teacher. Also recognize, you attracted them by choice. A person you attract helps you become an even better you, even if the interaction was painful. When you heal through self evaluation and understanding, your thoughts naturally leave them be. If you decide to ignore this wisdom, you unintentionally pester them like you did with your Grandad. You, along with everyone else, can affect others adversely with projected thoughts. Be aware of this as often and as best you can.

In addition, continue to be selective with whom you interact with and invite into your life. If you were able to telepathically link to your ancestors, and the Holocaust man, you can telepathically link to spirits attached to an earthly being. Your continued growth in self awareness will assist you with your confidence in identifying energy. Trust yourself. Trust us.

Remember, just because your loved one is in spirit, it doesn’t mean they can’t interact with you. It’s like picking up a telephone. You are the sender. The other person is the receiver. It is a beautiful thing. With that said, having this awareness comes with great responsibility”.

Understood, I thought. Clairity then went on to help me recognize that I had been fighting my abilities.

“Clair, you often wondered why you kept going back to offering spiritual sessions after taking long hiatuses from them. You know you were denying your birthright. You have your own perception. Your perception is accurate to you. Since everyone’s perception is unique to them, your perception may be perceived as incorrect, fraudulent, or your perception may be perceived by others as truthfully divine. They have free will to decide who you are for them. You have free will to decide who you are for yourself.

People may place you on a pedestal. Others may be critical of you. It is your choice to follow others and let them affect you, or, you can recognize that energy is in constant motion, and therefore can be transmuted into something positive. Energy changes in an instant.

You may not be perfect at what you do. You are perfect at being you. Being one hundred percent accurate for all souls at all times within a sea of uniquely created consciousness, would be an astronomical feat indeed. Even Yeshua had nah sayers.

Symbolisms change depending on the person’s connection to the symbol. A cat can be sweet to one person and a complete nuisance to someone else. You are perfect at being you. As long as you trust yourself, you will receive messages which you would be able to easily decipher, understand, and relay to others.

The reason you left spirituality and then returned to it time and time again is because it is a part of your soul’s mission here. Your doubts threw you off course, not off of your grand plan. You will always be nudged and guided back to your original choice in this lifetime. You have free will. With that said, we know what you designed for yourself. You, just like all souls being guided, will receive a nagging feeling, or an empty feeling, when you are veering off course.

Your life is a team effort. You are connected to a collective, always. We are all one. Separatism is an ego illusion. Do you choose to continue to honor who you are and work with us?”

Yes, I am. I am also somewhat reluctant. I’m nervous. I know something big is about to happen in my life. I can sense it in the atmosphere. I just don’t know exactly what it is.

“Trust the process”, Clairity once again advised. I hear that often from Clairity.

“Clair, are you ready to meet Jack for your next key? It is time to visit your fear of money. Your negative association with money has gone on long enough. You are deserving of financial support. It is time to allow it in”, Clairity encouragingly stated.

Yes, I am ready.

I know part of the blockage is Necklace man. He lured me with a five dollar promise. I didn’t quite realize Clairity wanted me to visit a past life as well. Holy freaking interesting!

(Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)

My mum’s dad, my grandpa West, passed into spirit on May, 04, 1994. I remember this clearly. He passed away in the same month, and year, of my twentieth birthday. The twentieth birthday when I took a life through planned abortion. It was also during this timeframe when I brought Mother’s Day flowers to my mum before heading to my first husband, Albert’s, mother’s house, to celebrate with her and Albert’s siblings.

Albert and I had moved in together in April, 1993. Albert needed to leave his grandma’s house. I didn’t want to move with my parents to New Brunswick. My parents informed my brother and I that they were moving to New Brunswick during my first few months working for the Yellow Pages company.

I worked for Yellow Pages in Scarborough from 1992 through to 1999. Then returned for a stint from 2000 to 2001. I lived with my parents after high school in Ajax up until April, 1993. My timeline was slightly off in a previous entry. If you caught the discrepancy, bravo!, my astute regular reader. Thank you for noticing.

I commuted back and forth with our neighbor who had gotten me the job interview. Steve, my parents’ two doors down, neighbor, was in management. He was in charge of some of the advertising reps in the sales department. I went to work for Yellow Pages in July, 1992 as a file clerk, fresh out of high school.

I had only been working for Yellow Pages for less than a year when my parents informed Craig and I that they were moving. I was eighteen at the time, I think? Albert and I had to save up the money for the first and last month’s rent of the apartment. Plus everything we would need to live there comfortably. Albert and I also took our time finding the one for us. We wanted something in Scarborough. Rent prices were a tad bit pricy for us at the time. We found an apartment which was walking distance to my work for April, 01, 1993.

Albert took the car each day because he worked further into the city. Craig lived with my parents right up until they left for New Brunswick. You would hear my brother say, ‘why would I leave my mum and Dad’s? I get free food, free rent, and free laundry. What more could I ask for?”

Craig had a difficult time accepting their departure. He was also working full time. Living with my parents helped the money go ching-a-ling-a-ling in his pocket. I can respect that.

Craig moved in with his now wife’s parents. They lived there for a time. I believe they had bought their forever home shortly after getting married in 1996. I was more than accepting of my parents leaving because I was already settled in with Albert. I was also making a healthy income for myself.

I knocked on my mum’s front door. We must have been fighting about something. I am having a difficult time remembering what we were at odds about. I didn’t feel welcomed. I know that, so, I didn’t enter my parents’ home freely on that day. Normally I would have done.

My mum came to the door. “Hi mum. Happy Mother’s Day. I can only pop around for a minute. We are headed to Trenton. These are for you”. I handed my mum a medium sized bouquet of mixed flowers.

“This is all the effort you can put into seeing me on Mother’s Day? This is pathetic! You hurt me more than my dad’s passing!”.

My mum then threw the flowers down onto the ground and closed the front door. I left the flowers there on the ground. I walked away. I then got into the car with Albert. Albert then drove us to his mother’s house in Trenton, Ontario.

The drive consisted of me venting “damned if I do. Damned if I don’t” to Albert for about half of the almost two hour drive. The second half was listening to the band U2. We sang along with the songs to the extremely humbling best of our abilities.

“Music often helps lighten the mood. Music can help you relive difficult moments as well. This means, music can help you vibrate higher. Music can also help you remain in sorrow. It’s important to be aware of the power of music. Music’s lyrics and sound resonance are important to recognize within your awareness. When you are aware of the power music produces, music becomes a valuable ally. Music can then harmonize with what you are consciously creating”. ~ Clairity

My mum was extremely sensitive on this particular Mother’s Day. Her dad, like my dad was to me for the longest time, a man who could do no wrong. My mum was emotionally and mentally close to her dad. When my grandad passed, my mum grieved deeply. With that, she felt I was being incentive to her by not expressing enough love through quality time. I can understand that. With that said, projecting onto me the way she did was harsh.

Discord in my life was sort of a standard procedure in the month of May. I had a habit of attracting difficult circumstances right around my birthday each year. I am determined to create new empowering memories for my birthday to help balance the scales in my mind. May is a beautiful month, period. I also recognize the reason I created such turmoil for myself. I have integrated my fetal energy. This cycle has now come to an end.

The experiences Clairity was referring to were after my grandfather passed away. I was living in Ontario, Canada in a small one bedroom apartment with Albert. We had been living together in Scarborough for a little over a year. My mum and dad were living in Saint George, New Brunswick. They had moved to this quaint little town sometime in 1994. They moved after Mother’s day that same year. That I do know. My dad and mum moved to New Brunswick for my dad’s career advancement. I was already twenty years old when they moved. I started living with Albert when I was about three weeks shy of my nineteenth birthday. Albert was twenty-one, turning twenty-two the same day as me.

I had a dream. In this dream I left my body. I floated approximately three feet off of the ground. Anytime I left my body I felt floaty. This time was no different. I turned to look at my body sleeping. I saw the silvery energy cord attached to both myself and my body. Then I did an about left face. Only to find my vision start to become aware of the pixelated bedroom I was in being overtaken by darkness. The movement through the bedroom wall was instant, and yet, detailed as all heck. I felt a suction sensation when my body went through the wall. It was like an energetic pull I had little to no control over.

Once the bedroom’s image was gone, a new quick, and gradual, pixelated  image appeared. I was outside of the apartment. I then intuitively flew as fast as, what seemed like, Superman could fly. Next thing I knew I was floating in the front yard of a creamy white coloured bungalow. I sensed I was in a different province. As soon as I sensed this I became curious.

“Am I at my mum’s and Dad’s?”, I thought.

As soon as I had that thought, once again, I suctioned myself through a wall. Seeing the outside pixelated image disappear, only for the bedroom of my parents’ new house to appear.

I hadn’t been to my parents’ new home by this time. I was too busy enjoying my life with Albert. My mum and I were on speaking terms though. That certainly helped this experience.

There I was floating against the wall. In front of me was a queen sized bed. Laying propped up by two pillows on the bed was my sleeping grandma West. She was sleeping in a semi-seated position on her back. Directly to the right of me was a bed side table. My grandma’s teeth and glasses were sitting on top of the table. Directly across from me, on the other side of the room, was another small end table, a large window, and a tallboy set of dresser drawers. To my left was a two door closet that moved on a metal guiding system. Directly left of me was the bedroom door which led you down a long hallway to the living room.

Sitting on the bed was my grandad. He was seated at the foot of the bed with his feet towards the floor. I say towards the floor because I didn’t actually see his feet. I assume they were at the end of his legs.

Grandad West had his left hand placed on my grandma’s left leg, near her ankle. He looked extremely young. If I were to take a guess, I’d say my grandad looked to be about thirty years of age. Even though he had white hair, his face looked young, vibrant, and healthy.

“Clair, tell your grandma to stop crying. I am by her bedside every night”.

My grandad was fixated on my grandma sleeping. He didn’t look at me, nor did his lips move during his statement. My instant response was, “okay grandad. I will”.

The messages between my grandad and I were telepathic. We understood each other perfectly. No sooner did I agree to my grandad’s request, I found myself being suctioned back through the bedroom wall. The defragmenting and redevelopment of the pixelated images was again experienced by me. The sensation of being suctioned then continued into a backwards flight, retracing my flight path. I was suctioned backwards to my apartment as quickly as I had moved out of it. I was then suctioned back through my bedroom wall and into my body. It was an incredible experience indeed.

Just a side note here; as I write this blog entry, I am fixated on the timeline dates. I remember vivid details. The stress I was constantly under may have blurred the lines of factual dates? My apologies for this. With that said, the timing is extremely close, if not completely accurate.

“Clair, the dates are of far less interest than the memories themselves. It is your memories which shape your reality, not the time stamp. You are reading your akashic records by way of your intuition, which involve your decision making based upon fated events. These fated events were created by your perceived choices. What you are being guided to do is optimize the gift of hindsight.

You prefer to learn through this way whilst you are on the earthly plain. You chose this learning style for your soul’s purpose in this lifetime. Rather than after this lifetime, once you return to full spirit awareness. You chose this for your path. There is a purpose to this. Do your best to relax on the dates. Focus on what you have learned instead” ~Clairity

Sometimes Clairity speaks through me. Words flow out of my mouth instantly at times, so does my writing. What you just read was a live interaction between Clairity and I. My ego became nervous that I am giving misleading information by potentially giving incorrect dates. Clairity’s awareness stepped in. It is for this reason, you will see a reflection of this with a ~Clairity after a written statement. When this occurs, I am being guided to let Clairity address you, or myself, in the present moment without forethought.

I struggled with telling my mum about my dream with my grandad West. My parents had invited my grandmother to stay with them whilst she grieved the passing of her late husband and friend. If my memory serves me correctly, my grandmother visited my parents over the summer of 1994. She was with my parents during the time of this dream.

According to my mum, my grandmother was frail and depressed. My mum thought the change of scenery in East Coast Canada would help her to heal. I’m certain the fresh ocean air was a beautiful change of pace for my grandma.

I decided to call my mum and inform her of what had occurred. My mum almost dropped the phone. She gasped and said, “I just got a recording back from a psychic using psychometry as her source of information in England”.

My mum shipped an old medical alert bracelet of hers to the woman in England. The woman read my mum’s bracelet and returned it to her with a message recording. My mum just so happened to receive the recording the same day I called to inform her of my dream.

“The woman used my jewelry to connect with me. On the recording she states that your granddad sits with your grandma every night”.

My mum’s response gave me chills. “Oh wow! That’s amazing”. I was relieved. I then explained, “grandad looked really young but he still had white hair”.

That’s when My mum confirmed, “your grandad had white hair since he was eighteen. This makes perfect sense”.

My mum explaining that to me shed all the doubt from my mind. My mum told my grandmother about my dream with her beloved. My grandma took a turn for the healthier after that.

“Clair, it is important we review the time with your grandad in spirit when he had scolded you for psychically linking with him as frequently as you did”.

I was chastised by my dead grandad West. Imagine that.

(Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)

“Clair would you be interested in giving a group psychic session at the Library in St. Stephen? A few of the ladies inquired with me to see if you would?”.

My mum worked alongside me in Tranquil Spirit. She wasn’t an employee nor partner. My mum was a reiki master. She offered private energy healing sessions. She received one hundred percent of the funds she made through her service.

Tranquil Spirit was attached to my home. This made it easy for my mum to stay with us over the weekends. She would drive from Oak Bay, New Brunswick on Friday, stay until Sunday afternoon, then she would go back home to my dad for the weekdays. My mum did this routine for most of the time Tranquil Spirit was in operation.

When my mother had told me Bill showed inappropriate physical affection towards her after we were married, it was when she was staying with us and working in Tranquil Spirit. My mum chose to leave my dad at home to be with his daughter who crushed his spirit, and the man who helped me crush his spirit by sleeping with my mother. I can’t imagine what he must have felt when it came to that.

My mum also encouraged and supported my work as an intuitive. She would often let me know when someone had expressed interest in my services. I had a rule of thumb that I must be able to walk away with a profit in hand after overhead and travel expenses were covered. Otherwise it wasn’t worth my investment.

There was always a risk of no shows. With that in mind, I would compensate for that by raising the minimum requirement for attendees. I charged sixty Canadian dollars per person to attend a public event at the time. I considered that a more than fair price. Offering a public event was taxing on my energy. I felt exhausted for a couple of days after an event such as this one.

“Sure mum. As long as there are at least twelve people attending. If they can create the group, I’ll do it”.

I’m uncertain exactly when this event occurred. What I can remember is the earth angel who came to see me had already given me flowers in my shop. I learned valuable insight from her. I honored her teachings on this library day. I am grateful I met her before I interacted with this particular audience.

There were two individuals in the audience who my mum knew fairly well. One woman was an acquaintance. The other woman was considered a friend and neighbor to both my parents. In particular, my mother.

“I see an engagement ring on your finger. Someone is going to propose to you. I feel this energy will occur soon. I would say within the next three months”

I went on further to explain to Christine, “I see you in your home. A man lives with you. I see him coming and going from the front door. He is connected”.

Christine then mocked “yeah right. As if I would get married. I highly doubt that Clair. I think you’re just guessing”.

“It’s what I see Christine. I won’t make things up just to please someone. Time will tell. If you are not engaged within the timeframe I gave, let me know. You can call me a liar then”.

Christine annoyed me in that moment. Her energy was challenging to begin with. With that, I told Christine that was all I had received for her. I was speaking the truth. It was all that I had received. I wasn’t interested in asking the divine any more questions about her. I shut my energy down from Christine from then on. I decided to move onto my mum’s friend, Nancy.

“Nancy, I understand you are conducting renovations in your new home. My mum told me you were putting an addition onto the back. I see there have been some challenges with the upstairs. There are delays”.

I then explained what I was seeing through the remote viewing I was doing. I also informed her of financial risk in decisions between her and her husband. I avoided going too in-depth. It was a public event after all.

“Your home will be completed next year. I know you would like it finished before this winter. Unfortunately there are some minor delays. You are also going to have to watch your pennies for a bit”.

Nancy’s acknowledgment of my claims was to say, “oh you knew that already Clair. Your mum must have told you”.

All I could say was “no Nancy, she didn’t. We talk about other things”.

Nancy then looked to my mum for support. My mum responded by saying “no Nancy. I didn’t tell her about the supplier or the issues you have. Clair is telling you what she is picking up”.

I appreciated my mum for saying that. If I am not mistaken, I unintentionally sighed a big sigh of relief in front of everyone when I heard my mum’s support of me.

I must admit, my mum attended and supported many of my events throughout my time with her. She attended some of my baseball games, some of my school concerts, my community theatre roles, and the motivational speaking engagements I participated in. She may not have been the most loving, nor nurturing mum, she did support my abilities whenever she could. I love that about my mum. Showing up matters.

“Showing up does matter Clair. This is true. With that said, it is equally important to recognize the benefits your mum received whilst being a part of your aspirations. Your mum felt ignored and rejected for a large portion of her life. Her pride in accomplishment would be felt inside her when she involved herself in your work. Your mum’s inner child is longing for connection, acceptance, and recognition, just as you have throughout your life. The difference in your perception influenced the choices you both made whilst carrying the pain.

Your mum used to also poke fun at you by chuckling and telling people you were unable to read family members nor close friends. Do you remember her saying “she can’t read family. You watch, she will read you, you, you, skip over Pauline, then read you, you, and you”. She then laughed, looked at you, and said, “isn’t that right Clair?”

Yes, I do remember. I remember many times when my mum would reinforce my limitations. I had agreed with her.

On one particular occasion, my mum introduced this predetermined result to a spiritual circle gathering in a church in England. It was during the time when my grandmother, my mum’s mum, received a cancer diagnosis. My mother and I flew to England to be with her.

My aunt Pauline had attended this spiritual gathering once a week at the time. My mum and I were invited with the intentions of me reading for the group, at no charge. My response to my mother’s observation of my abilities was “mum’s right. It takes a lot to put my ego aside. When I know too much about someone, or I am afraid of what I might find out, I get blocked. I prefer to avoid reading people I know”.

Clairity then offered me a reminder that brought a smile to my face.

“Were you able to give Pauline some insight that night?”

Yes I did in fact. I told her she would be going on her trip to Spain and that she didn’t have to worry about it whatsoever. I was correct. My aunt did go on the trip and had a fabulous time.

“So is it true that you are unable to read family members?”

Good question Clairity. I can read the energy of my loved ones and family members. I used to read for Rosie all the time. I chose to let fear block me from recognizing this fact. I feared being wrong. I feared being exposed as a fraud to my family. I feared knowing too much about them. Most importantly, I feared being wrong. I didn’t want to be the brunt of my parents’ jokes. Even though I still kind of was. At least I didn’t have to deal with the thought of potentially being wrong, therefore, useless.

“Clair this created added pressure onto you. You attracted this experience to prove to yourself that you are correct to doubt your intuition. Having an embarrassing experience makes it easier for you to reject offering your insight. You have been teeter-tottering back and forth in your mind. Going up and down on your perception of all that is, yourself, and what you are capable of. Can you see the breadcrumbs in your life starting to form a meal of doubt for you?”.

Yes, I do see quite an interesting pattern. Clairity then went on to talk about the two ladies from the library.

“Christine did in fact get engaged. Followed by a short and private elopement. Not only was she engaged within the timeframe you gave, she married her husband in that time as well. You were correct in your perception of the energy within her orbit. Do you remember her being angry with you? She came to your mother’s house to talk with your mum. She informed you that she received a cancer diagnosis. She was mad that you didn’t pick up on that?”

I do remember Christine being distraught that I didn’t pick up on the cancer. I told her that there are some things that are not meant to be known at that moment in time. I then reminded her of her marriage. Her response to me was, “knowing I had cancer would have been more helpful”.

With that, I gave a smug lip piercing smile and said, “okay Christine. Sorry you’re going through a rough time”. I never spoke to that woman again after that.

“Do you see the polarities in Christine and Katrina? Both women received similar experiences with you. They both decided to understand their experiences from different perspectives. That was their choice and free will to do so. Recognize that another person’s opinions of you which are based upon their perception, can be noted by you, not necessarily followed. You have free will to choose to let harsh criticisms and judgments mask who you truly are, or, you can reinforce your integrity, character, and truth in your connection within all that is. Your choice can alchemize the energy into self-empowerment or it can create self-destruction. You can choose to be hateful like Christine and doubt yourself, or, you can continue to build the character the way Katrina acknowledged, and who you know yourself to be. What do you choose?”

I choose me. I can recognize that another person’s perception of their experience with me is for their learning. My perception of them is for my learning.

“Clair, as you know by this point, there is more to you than you are acknowledging. It is important to build your confidence back up when working with the divine. Remember your experiences with your Grampa West. It is important to revisit those experiences. They are important in your learning”.

I remember my soul being suctioned through a wall. That was fun

(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)

Caroline came into Tranquil Spirit in November, 2008. She came with the intentions of having a private mediumship session with me. She also had personal life questions. During this session Caroline explained that when she was a child, she was not allowed out of the car to stand at her mother’s grave.

“I only have vague memories of that day. I remember being in the car looking out the window when they were burying my mum. I can’t remember which plot is hers though. The cemetery went through some changes over the years as well. My dad wouldn’t let me get out of the car to join the burial service. I wish I knew where my mum was. I would like to have a place to go to so that I can talk with her”, Caroline explained.

I felt for her. I could feel Caroline’s energy alongside her mother’s in spirit form. “Communication is telepathic. Your mum hears you. You can talk with her anywhere. With that said, I can understand your desire to know where her plot is. It must be difficult for you”.

Caroline smiled and said, “yes it is. I think about it often”.

No sooner did those words come out of Caroline’s mouth, “I can locate her plot for you” blurted out of my mine. My first thought was, “oh shit! Where did that come from? I don’t want to do that!”.

Caroline looked at me with big doe eyes “really!? You can?”.

My response was, “seems so? If I said it then I guess I can help”.

Caroline then eagerly suggested, “I can meet you at the cemetery where her funeral was. The only thing is, I can only do it on a weekend. I work during the weekdays”.

With that, I, once again, reluctantly agreed to a Sunday afternoon, approximately two weeks later.

Caroline had called to confirm I was still prepared to assist her. She also informed me that she invited her siblings to attend. I was nervous as all heck. I didn’t know if I could do it. I felt the pressure. I knew how important it was for her. The fear of messing with her mind was front and center in my mind. All I kept thinking was “bloody hell Clair. What did you do! What if you get a blank in your head? What if you can’t do this? The pain of disappointment would be too much for Caroline, and me”.

Then I would reassure myself by countering those thoughts with  “it came out of your mouth for a reason. Trust. Take a deep breath. You can do this”.

I kept on taking soothing breaths. You know when you sigh after having a heavy thought? I did that a lot leading up to this discovery day as well. I was a nervous wreck.

The day arrived. It was a chilly November day. The sky was overcast. The ground was damp, crisp, and frosty. There was a slight windchill in the air. It was cold enough for a winter coat and warm enough to be without a hat or mitts. I drove to the cemetery whilst listening to uplifting and soulful music. Melodic sounds help me to stabilize my energy and thoughts. I also took the time to connect with my spirit, my guides, and all loved ones who may assist the experience that was about to take place.

When I arrived at the cemetery, everyone was there. Caroline, along with three of her family members, as well as the groundskeeper, were waiting for me with eager anticipation. The groundskeeper was holding dowsing rods. After we all gave our warm greetings, the groundskeeper explained the purpose of the dowsing rods.

“These rods detect disturbances in the ground. When there is a change in energy, the rods move by extending outward, or, they move by crossing over each other”, he explained.

The groundskeeper then proceeded to hold one rod in each of his hands. “Let me show you”.

He then walked towards a known grave area with the dowsing rods pointed, parallel to each other, in a forward direction. As soon as he met the plot, the dowsing rods moved outward to form a straight line away from the groundskeeper’s body. The rods appeared as if  they had hit a wall. He then moved around the area to outline the perimeter of the gravesite. The rods squared off at the corners, then straightened out again when the groundskeeper was walking along the edge of the ground disturbance. He then went on to say, “you see how the rods detect this burial plot? It recognized the rectangular shape of the grave. We can use these to help determine the location you are drawn to. I have a list of unclaimed plots. I can then reference the list to the location to determine if the plot is hosting a male or a female, as well as the age and year of burial”. I thought that was impressive. I also felt intense pressure.

I walked around the area they showed me. There was an old burial ground area and a newly designed burial area of the cemetery. Over the days leading up to this day I kept receiving a vision of a tree and words “step, one, two, three, over”. I saw a tree in the cemetery which was quite similar to my vision. The cemetery didn’t look the exact same though. I wasn’t confident. I walked to the tree. I felt nothing. I walked over to the old burial ground. I kept thinking “please tell me. Please show me? I’m not getting a bloody thing?”. I then felt an empty feeling inside me. This led me to believe that Caroline’s mother was not buried in the older section.

As I was in my mind, I looked over to the newer area. All five of the onlookers were staring at me. They were waiting for me to say something.

“Your mum isn’t in this area”, I announced.

The groundskeeper acknowledged my claim. “It isn’t likely that she is. The area you are standing in was not disturbed. Those plots are hundreds of years old. It is more likely that the plot you are searching for is in a different area”.

I thanked the groundskeeper for his knowledge then faced the direction of the new section. My eyes focused on the tree. In my mind I said, “okay. I can’t hear nor see you clearly. I am doubting myself. The air and ground is cold. When I am at the grave, make the ground hot. Make it so hot that I feel like I am standing on fire. I will know without a shadow of a doubt that I found her when I feel the heat under my feet”.

The next thing I heard in my mind was “one, two, three, over” With that, I walked to the tree. From the tree I took three large gated steps. Then I made one slight step to the left. Boom, a massive heatwave came up from the ground. My feet were blazing hot. I felt like I had walked on a hot bed of coals. “She’s here!”, I announced.

Every fibre in my being knew I was standing on a grave. As soon as I announced Caroline’s mum’s location, an overwhelming feeling of love came over me. I felt like I received a warm embrace from someone in spirit. It was a beautiful feeling. The feeling overwhelmed me so much that I sat down on the ground and placed my hands on the grass. I felt peace.

Caroline, and her family members became very excited, and extremely emotional. This was it. Time to prove if the information I received was accurate. The groundskeeper came over to where I was seated. He then used the dowsing rods to confirm the ground disturbance. I respectfully got my tuckus off of Caroline’s mother and stepped back.

After he used the dowsing rods, the groundskeeper used a walking measuring device to determine the feet from the road, to the grave, then from the grave, to the next ground disturbance adjacent to the one I located.

“There is definitely a grave at this location. Let me cross reference the plot marker to the list in the office to confirm age and gender of the deceased. It will only take a few moments”. With that, the groundskeeper left Caroline, her three family members, and myself to discuss what had just happened.

“Oh Clair, this could be it! I remember. I was in the car. My dad parked the car over there”,

Caroline pointed her finger to the gravel road, a couple of meters from where the tree stood. This looks to be about right. Oh I pray it is”.

I smiled and said “we shall see soon”. In my mind I was in awe. Could it actually be?

Upon the groundskeeper’s return he confirmed that the site was indeed a female the same age as Caroline’s mother. The plot was occupied in the year of her mother’s burial as well.

“This is an unmarked grave. You can claim this plot if you like?”, the groundskeeper offered to Caroline and her family.

“Oh, yes please!” Caroline proudly and excitedly accepted. I was stunned.

“Oh Clair, this means so much to us! Now I can have a headstone made and a place to come visit mum. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”. Caroline then hugged me and said thank you one more time.

“It’s my pleasure. I am honored to have been given this opportunity. I am so happy you found her. May you share many intimate conversations together”. With that, we all said our goodbyes and I left.

To this day I have no one hundred percent proof that what occurred was real, nor do I know if the female Caroline is spiritually bonding with in the grave is actually her mother. I thought about that quite a bit. Clairity helped to ease my mind.

“Clair, because your ego was louder than your spirit, you inadvertently blocked our communication. You expressed your receptivity. Your vibration and frequency on the other hand, created barriers in your auditory and visual understanding. Your anxious thoughts had overriden your intuitive knowing. You were wise to ask for a sensation outside of you to occur. Trust and open mindedness on the ways open communication can take place makes way for a greater picture to unfold”.

I acknowledged the truth in Clairity’s words. “Was the woman in the grave Caroline’s mother?”, I thought.

“That’s your ego talking. It’s okay that your ego wants to know. Having the experience is something to be proud of, within reason. Understand sweetheart, if you remain focused on questioning whether or not the grave was Caroline’s mother’s, you will lose sight over the fact that the peace produced from the experience was profound. Caroline gave herself permission to heal after that experience. That is a beautiful thing. As long as you recognize that your ego creates denser energy when in doubt, you can remain aware of the truth. If you doubt, or believe you can’t do something, you create an internal uphill battle for yourself. You are human. Therefore, keep recognizing your ego states. Whilst also calling upon different possibilities to receive information. Asking for a sign, a feeling, a thought, can easily be accomplished. Provided you trust and remain present in mind. Everyone, spirit beings, and earthly beings alike, manipulate energy. As long as you are receptive, spiritual aid is available. As you already know, the more you know your energy, the easier it is to detect someone else’s, including spirit”.

Yes, I most certainly do know that.

“Clair, recall the public event you participated in, in St. Stephen. A woman was annoyed with you for not telling her something. Another woman in the audience accused you that you must have been talking with your mother to know the details about her. Do you remember?”.

Yes I do.

I didn’t really enjoy large group mediumship work. I’m not passionate about it. With that said, I was a speaker for many spiritual gatherings. These particular women pissed me off. My mum backed me up, surprisingly. Fun times.