(Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)
One would think that me being someone having some of her teeth missing, presents as being below a healthy weight, and no beauty standard care which the outside world would perceive as beautiful, (my gorgeous daughter supplies me with food and warm showers, thank goodness), I would be someone who didn’t care about herself or was someone to secretly judge. I can recognize this.
Over my life, in particular since being an adult, I have had projections sent my way. These projections affected me deeply. As I have mentioned before, I am extremely sensitive to energy. I am aware even when I say nothing. I may not know exactly what a person is thinking. What I feel is the intentions in their energy. Then I translate the information into a message.
With that, over the years, I have received different messages such as, “she’s a hypochondriac”, from my parents and occasionally Rosie and his mum. “She’s just looking for attention”, from my parents, brother, Rosie and his mum, and some past school teachers. “You need to put on weight”, from my mother, Rosie, and a couple of past acquaintances. “She looks like shit”, or, “poor Clair. She constantly struggles”, from all people I have loved or currently love within my circle of people. You get the picture.
All of these projected energies aided in the deterioration of my health. My mind was absorbing their messages. When I read their messages, my brain internalized it as me reaffirming their thoughts of me as truth. I was a hypochondriac. I was an attention seeker. I did look like shit. My mind then took over and exacerbated my decline in health because I agreed with them. If you doubt them then a part of you believes them. When you are neutral, you likely don’t know what they are talking about.
Your brain cannot distinguish the difference between talking to someone else versus talking to yourself. Your brain absorbs and processes information solely based on what you tell it. What you tell it is what you are either thinking, or saying. Along with whatever emotional vibration you are experiencing. From there, your brain translates the data and assists you in your health by analyzing your body. Then begins the process of changing your body’s melecular structure to match your thought process. In other words, we are all hypochondriacs. Disease starts in the mind. Then manifests into physical form when thought of long enough.
“Clair you attracted people who would view you that way so that they would agree with you, not necessarily the other way around. Remember, you attract other versions of creation to play the opposite role of what is authentically true for you, to give you external judgment. You do this because you subconsciously desire external validation. You also require someone to reflect your inner thoughts back to you because you had unintentionally turned a deaf ear to your own inner critic. Even self-sabotaging validation is still seeking out external judgment. This is natural and helpful to prove your ego conditioning is correct. When your ego conditioning is healthy, you seek out and attract healthy individuals who can be your external messenger. Some messages you received may not have been the truth. You determined they were true for you. Your inner child didn’t know that until you took care of her.
Your inner child, just like any physical child, loves to be recognized, understood, and supported. Your inner child, when you chose to be unaware, plays pretend, based upon what you were exposed to as a child at that age. You seek out what you know. What you don’t know is what comes as a surprise”, Clairity reminded. I guess we are all little people at heart.
If you notice, a person may shrug off a compliment, or, deny a compliment altogether. This may be because they disagree with the compliment. Internally, they experience a contradictory belief. On the flip side, when someone insults them in some way, they may react harshly. Their reaction is acceptance of the information. In this instance, the person receiving the message subconsciously agrees with the message. When we are unable to hear ourselves, we rely on others to externally validate us to help us hear what we are telling ourselves.
In these instances, the complimenter would be reinforcing a loving message within themselves through speaking. The insulter would be reinforcing their message to themselves when speaking. The one receiving the external message would be editing the message from the other person. Then reinforce what they believe within themselves. Whatever each one of their brains collects as data then shifts the vibration of the person based upon their external and internal speech. This co-creation creates an agreeable atmosphere or a disturbed environment for all involved.
With that in mind, my mind took me down a rough and painful journey. I had been, and still am to a degree, if I were perfectly honest, in physical discomfort on a daily basis since the age of twelve. As I had mentioned before, I am now fifty-one. When I was twelve I grew four inches in one summer. I grew so fast that my parents took me to a specialist to see if I may have had a growth concern. I did not. The growing pains were brutal. I was just in a hurry to grow it seems. I stopped growing after that. Well sort of. My breasts and hips came in during that time as well. Fun times
“Clair do you remember what your mum had echoed back to you just after your thirteenth birthday and jokingly throughout your adult years whilst in her life?”, Clairity asked.
Yes, I do remember. My mum would say, “you said you didn’t want to turn thirteen. I can see why you didn’t want to. You changed overnight. You turned thirteen and that was it. You knew everything”.
Those aren’t the exact words my mum used. Close enough. Basically my mum reminded me of when I had trepidation about turning thirteen on more than one occasion.
“Correct. Your mum was being a physical conduit for you to hear your fear. You feared turning thirteen. What’s the reason you feared this?”.
Oh man, Clairity hits hard sometimes. I feared turning thirteen because I didn’t want to have a woman’s body. Men had already hurt me and I didn’t even have breasts yet. I could imagine how much more danger I was going to be in once I developed breasts. I wanted to be a girl. I just didn’t want to look the part enough for a man to prey on me.
“Clair, what did your dad decide to do when your breasts did start to come in?”.
My dad went to work and made a training bra out of safety masks and rubber bands. One of the face masks was larger than the other. He made it that way because I had one breast a little larger than the other in the beginning.
“What did your father joke about when he presented you with his creation?”
My dad said, “here you go Lefty. Here’s your new training bra”.
I was so embarrassed. My mum laughed. My brother laughed. It was a standing joke for a while. My parents joked about it with my friends. I was nicknamed Lefty until my right breast grew to the same size. I hated my body back then.
“Did you catch it Clair?”, Clairity asked.
“Catch what?”, I thought.
“Did you catch yourself admitting that you hated your body back then?”
Oh shit, yes I see it. I had beaten up my own body. Wow. Talk about taking accountability. When I had that revelation, Clairity explained further.
“As you have identified, your brain processed your beliefs about yourself and your environment and began to create a physical manifestation within your body to represent the dis-ease. Your body has been vibrating in survival mode since your father left for Canada in 1976. Whilst you were with your mum in England, you fell ill. You contracted pneumonia with the help of the concrete kitchen slabs you were crawling on at the time. After the hospital stay which scared you, you flew to Canada. You were less than two-and-a-half years old.
You were not seated with your mum. You were seated with a strange man. Your mum used to tell people you cried the entire eight hour flight. That the man you were seated with had to give you peanuts just to shut you up. This was traumatic for you. From that moment on, you started to fear separation, physical discomfort, and rejection. You no longer felt safe.
The dis-ease inside your body began. As the years progressed, you reinforced this dis-ease through the outward projections coming from your family, friends, and medical professionals. Over time, your body began to seize up. You trained your energetic body to run away. Your body hasn’t felt safe since you immigrated to Canada.
As you grew, you met people who physically attacked you. The teenage babysitter, necklace man, the bullies at school, and Sydney’s father. Your energy field was also affected by your mother’s, father’s, and brother’s thoughts and actions, or lack there of, towards you. In addition, there were two male teachers who hurt you. You were in middle school. The message you attracted was that you wouldn’t amount to anything. Your brain loved this data so much that you decided to commit yourself to men who would also reject you and secretly believed you wouldn’t amount to much. Your ego conditioning took over. Your body has been struggling in survival mode ever since. It is also for this reason that you designed an isolated life for yourself. Less people equated to less safety concerns in your mind”.
I digested Clairity’s insight for some time. It’s true. I caused my body to succumb to dis-ease. My next question to Clairity was, “how do I correct this and override my conditioning? I choose health and well-being”.
Clairity’s response was, “you are already doing it”.
I am?, I thought
“Clair, have you noticed that since leaving Rosie, you have gone over a year without cramp?”
Yes, I have clocked that. I’m excited by this fact.
Clairity then went on to explain, “energy affects energy. Rosie’s energy vibrated at a lower frequency than yours. You had severe cramp attacks when with Rosie. You cramped on the daily for quite some time during your time with him. Your body was telling you you weren’t safe. You didn’t make this connection. You also saw yourself as a burden. Your body received this information and created burdensome physical sensations to reinforce this. Clair, you programmed your body without realizing it.
Your body reacts the moment you perceive a sense of discomfort or danger. Your body protects you through what it knows. What it knows is to run. With that, even when you were still, your body was in constant flight mode. During extreme distress, your body seized up from your brain telling your muscles to convulse uncontrollably to simulate running. The rapid muscle movement then created spasms which fatigued your muscles. Cramps formed in your body to which you experienced the painful physical effects. You then developed an association with warm water as soothing and safe, just like a blanket over your body when you sleep. This is a symbolic form of safety for you. You associate warmth with safety and cold with pain.
Since being back in New Brunswick, you have been realigning yourself and reinforcing to yourself that you are safe. You became your inner child’s parent. Your inner child feels safe with you. With that, your body is beginning to relax and recalibrate”.
I found that incredibly interesting. I was also grateful for this knowledge. I had to know more.
“Clairity, what’s the reason I cramp when it’s damp or cold?”, I inquired.
“You cramp because of fear”.
Fear I thought?
“Yes Clair. You have linked cold dampness as a polar opposite to warmth. When you are cold you shiver. When you shiver your muscles vibrate. Once this occurs, you fear cramp. Which then pulls you out of the mindset of safety. With that, you inadvertently place your energy into survival mode causing an increase in physical discomfort. You anticipate the risk of cramping the moment you leave the house on a damp or cold day. You expect to cramp so you do”.
Well shit, how do I fix this realization?
Clairity offered a suggestion.
“Keep doing what you are doing. Keep journeying into knowing yourself. Remind yourself that you are safe. Remind yourself to trust divine cosmic forces. People are being sent your way to assist you with your health. Resources are available. Trust in the timing.
In addition to that, respect your body. Listen to your body when it is telling you it’s overworked. Listen to your body when it is alerting you of potential danger. Love your body as much as you love your mind. The more you balance your inner child, teenager, and adult energy, the healthier you become. You are already doing this. Now it is a matter of trusting the sources of aid headed towards you. You have had a challenge with trusting medical professionals. It is time to review the reason for this. Revisit your memory of Laura’s birth. It is a pivotal moment in your health journey.
My beautiful Laura. What a miraculous experience indeed.
LivWithClairity 
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