(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)
The year 1984 was the most traumatic year of my life. I am fifty-one as I write this. Currently I am in the year 2026. I can honestly say, outside of the heart crushing experience I had throughout my time with Rosie, Necklace man broke my spirit the most.
My energy fractured on the day I met that man. Up until recently, my inner child from that day had been trapped inside a cave. I developed deep fear. I questioned my existence. I hated myself for being stupid. My intuition told me not to go with Necklace Man that day. I went anyway. In my mind I was the ignoramus like all the other ignoramuses my dad didn’t have the patience for. In my mind I lacked the intelligence I so highly regarded about my dad.
I also questioned if there truly was a God? I wondered, if there were a God, why would I have to experience something so devastating to me? I wondered if I was being punished. Why I was made so badly? I wondered why I was the way I was. Which was different in my mind. I wondered if I could change it. I thought if there were a God, that God would help fix me.
A young girl, about my age at the time, which was ten, invited me to her church. Lisa lived approximately three housing clusters over from where I lived. My parents, my brother, and I, lived in a subdivision of row houses on a busy Ottawa road called Baseline Road.
“Wanna come with us to church on Sunday? We could have a sleepover at my house then go to church in the morning. Do you want to?”, Lisa asked. I was excited about the idea of a sleepover. I was also curious about religion. “Sure, sounds good. I’ll ask my parents”.
With that, I asked my parents if I could go. I always went to my mum for permission to do anything. If I asked my dad, he would have likely responded with, “ask your mum”, or, “what did your mum say?”. My mum was fine with it. Both my parents gave me the freedom to explore my own beliefs when it came to religion. They didn’t encourage nor discourage my curiosity. With that, they allowed me to go.
The sleepover was awesome. It was everything you could expect from a night of young girly banter and play. The only drawback, if any, would be that Lisa loved to play with Barbies. I on the other hand leaned towards sports and tomboyish ways. I didn’t want to be a girl by that time. I secretly feared boys and men liking me too much. I figured if I dressed like a boy, and acquired similar interests, my Dad would bond with me more, and boys wouldn’t be interested in me sexually.
Imagine, by the time I was ten years old, I was hiding my feminine energy to maintain a false sense of security. I didn’t know that then. Had you asked me why I preferred to be a tomboy back then, I would have probably responded with, “I like baseball. I get along with boys better than I do girls. Girls are gossipy. Boys are whatever”.
I was also being picked on relentlessly by Helen and Kathy from school. They were two of the three groupies in Alexis’s mean girl group. I know it sounds cliche. There is some truth to the movies that depict school bullies. Mean girl groups existed in my reality anyways. These particular mean girls also happened to live three doors down from me, within the same cluster of row houses. All of our houses were attached. There was only one house between Kathy and I. Kathy’s house was attached to the house my house was attached to. Kathy’s house was also attached to Helen’s house.
It also didn’t help that Helen’s birthday was the day before mine. This meant that Helen had the birthday parties. The kids were unable to attend mine because supposedly the parents only allowed them to attend one party. My classmates, and the local children, chose Helen’s birthday three years in a row. I became an outcast for three years in a row.
Lisa, and another girl named Grazi, were my only friends during my elementary school years. Grazi had a crush on my brother, which was the real reason she befriended me. I knew that and still hung out with her. I enjoyed her company. We got along well. Lisa was a genuine friend to me. She didn’t bring up my brother. We simply hung out together doing whatever little girls do. Lisa and I didn’t hang out together for very long. Her and her family moved shortly after the church experience.
Since Lisa and I were quite young, we had the option of going to the Sunday School section of the church during mass. Whilst we were there, a woman approached me to ask me a question. She asked, “are you baptized dear?”, to which I responded, “I don’t know?”. I didn’t even know what baptism was. The lady then went on to say, “oh well then, you’d best ask your parents. If you are not baptized you will go straight to hell”. That scared the living bejeezus out of me. I didn’t know what to say, nor what to think after hearing that. My mind went straight to Necklace Man. Perhaps I was born evil and was being punished for it?
On the drive back from church, I remained quiet. I didn’t tell Lisa, nor her parents what the woman had said. I was afraid if I did, Lisa’s parents would agree with the lady. If Lisa’s parents agreed, and I was not baptized, they may not let Lisa and I be friends anymore. If I was evil, I didn’t want to scare Lisa either. With that, all I wanted to do was ask my parents if I had been baptized.
I asked my parents when I got home that day. According to my parents, my brother was baptized through the Salvation Army. I was not. My parents explained that they felt it best I decided for myself what was right. They didn’t want to expose me to any doctrine. They said they preferred to give me the opportunity to explore my options and decide for myself. I can appreciate that today. With that said, back then, my young mind thought that I was treated differently than my brother. I interpreted their response as a way of saying, “we weren’t interested in baptizing you”. Which then turned into “you’re not worth the effort”.
When I found out I was not baptized, my mind spiraled into anger, resentment, and fear. “I’m going to hell when I die!” kept playing on my mind for years. I became fearful of organized religion. I blamed my parents for not caring. That’s all my young mind could think at the time.
I didn’t necessarily close the door to religion completely. Instead, I approach all organized belief systems with an open minded skepticism, including my own. I believe everything is based on someone’s perception. Due to this fact, there is always room for error. There is also always more than one way to look at something. With that in mind, I read energy rather than scripture. If the energy is authentic and welcoming, I soak it in. If the energy is empty, inauthentic, and, or, commercially driven, I remain observant. My lack of interest has less to do with any particular religious construct and more to do with the leadership of said organization. Intentions are everything. Observation is key.
“Clair, can you see how your mind was influenced in that moment? Can you see how subliminal messaging through horror films, paranormal stories, and others’ perception of evil, created an energetic resemblance in your dream state? The lady in the blue dress formed its energy around your perception of it. You created the look of this entity through your exposure to outside stimuli”.
Clairity’s explanation gave me pause to think. I thought, if I created the entity, is the entity real? Am I being tormented by evil? Am I the one who has a dark attachment? Am I Schizophrenic?
Clairity’s response was to remind me of my excursion with Grandpa Joe. When Grandpa Joe showed me the shadows in the dark alleyway he said they existed.
Clairity then went on to say “you can hear us. You also heard Sarah’s voice when she helped you escape danger”.
Sarah was Grandpa Joe’s wife when they existed together on the earthly plain. Sarah was the woman with no face who appeared in front of my closet the very first time I met my Grandpa Joe. Sarah and Grandpa Joe were my father’s great-great-grandparents. They had long since passed before I was born.
My thoughts back to Clairity were in the affirmative, “Yes I can hear you, now”.
“Clair you have been able to hear us for most of your life. You chose to ignore your inner voice. It was by no fault of your own. You remained unaware of the spiritual warfare happening within you. You do remember when you were doubting the sale of your house in Grand Bay? You questioned if you were going to be able to sell it before taking possession of the Tranquil Spirit house?”.
Yes, I do remember
We had less than a month to put our house in Grand Bay up on the market, sell it at a reasonable profit, and then move into the new house in Fredericton. I didn’t think it was possible. I kept asking in my head, “does this house sell? Is someone actually going to buy this house?”. I received the response of two weeks. I questioned the response, only to once again hear “two weeks. We’ve already told you”. The voice spoke as if to say “stop asking and trust. Enough said”. We did in fact sell the house and make enough of a profit within two weeks of putting the house on the market. The voice was correct. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least. Moving into the Tranquil Spirit house was meant to be.
Connecting some dots I thought “the voice, was that you Clairity?”.
“Yes dear, that was us”, was Clairity’s response. All that time I thought it was Sarah’s voice I heard.
Clairity then went on further to say, “there are unseen influences circulating within and around you constantly. Just like in the earthly form, there too are oppressive spirit forms who can, and do, influence the minds of those in the physical realm. Light beings in spirit are also influencing the earthly plain through telepathic means. As well as through electromagnetic frequencies.
Energy can move energy. You are always given the choice of whichever telepathic influence you wish to listen to. When a person is experiencing a cluster of oppressive thoughts and experiences, they may very well be tormented by unseen influences in their mind. Resulting in fighting an unseen demon similar to your lady in a blue dress.
You became fearful that you were an evil spawn. Your mind therefore created an evil adversary to help you prove you are a child of God. Does this make sense?”.
Yes, it does, sort of.
“How can you prove something if there wasn’t opposition to help you prove it?”, Clairity asked.
Good question, I thought.
“Clair I would like you to follow Jack down the evil spawn rabbit hole. Follow the breadcrumbs by recalling different times you were accused of witchcraft or devil worshipping. Then I would like you to recall the Ouija board”.
The Ouija board was freaky, scary, and curious all at the same time. Inanimate objects really can fly on their own!
LivWithClairity 
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