(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)
Liv had moved to a new place just before mine and Rosie’s grand finale in August, 2024. Imagine that. Liv was taking care of two small children, a dog, moving, and found a way to rescue me from Montreal once again. Liv truly amazes me. God I love you for loving me enough to bless me with such a loving soul of a daughter. I am honored, humbled, and grateful for having Liv in my world.
With that, Liv’s new home was located in a quaint little town. In my perception, saying it was a rural environment would be putting it lightly. I knew I was going to isolate myself. I didn’t quite realize to what extent at the time. With that said, the isolation was welcomed.
I didn’t react to leaving Rosie the same way as I had done in the past. I knew from my skin to my bones, to deep down in my soul, that we were over. Our purpose together had been served. I had accepted the completion of our union long before the end date.
I embraced the tiny area I found myself in. I also embraced not having a cell phone number. Some may see little form of communication, and nature for entertainment, as a challenge. I saw it as a gracious gift of safety. Without a phone number, my ego could avoid temptation to reach out to people, nor to help people. In addition, Rosie, past friends, nor family members, knew where I was. I felt safe knowing Rosie wouldn’t be able to pop in uninvited, nor could he call, nor text me.
Rosie was a prideful man. I am unable to give one hundred percent certainty that he would have chased after me again. With that said, even the slightest risk was eliminated. Knowing that allowed me to breathe easier. I felt, for the first time, I was able to focus solely on myself.
As it stands today, the only way I can be reached is through email, commenting on my blog entry, or on TikTok. If you were to look for me anywhere else, you’d likely receive crickets. I valued my anonymity when I finally left Rosie. I also value my privacy to this day.
Once you create your private safe haven, you keep it intact. Your wise discernment gives the key for someone else to enter.
The door to my private safe place has a Sphinx sitting before it. The Sphinx determines a person’s authenticity. Authenticity may enter with the key I give. If a person isn’t offered a key, they are to be observed from afar. Unconditional love means to accept a person for who they are, which can include from a distance.
I shed many tears during the first few months after leaving Rosie, his kids, and Kody. As my tears fell, each one had a silent label. Some tears were for Jean and Alyssa. Some tears were for my good friend Kody. A few tears were for Rosie. With that said, more often than not, the floodgates of tears I experienced were for me. Internal was where I housed the tears I had shed for me.
I was tired, at the same time, I was determined to break the painful cycle of betrayal and disappointment. Clairity became my best friend during my stay in isolation. Isolation strengthened my bond with spirit, as well as strengthened my curiosity into cosmic forces I know I do not know. The University Jack enrolled me into was UoA, the University of Accountability. I was ready to learn.
I know I created my life. I can intellectualize the idea that my perception tailored all experiences within my mind for me to internalize. If you have six people in one room, you will be amongst seven slightly different opinions. No two realities are the exact same. This perceived individualized perception you and I have is what allows creation to experience itself through infinite possibilities. Evolution is a beautiful thing. Even though I could intellectualize this thought, I couldn’t quite see the patterned messages I was giving myself.
On one particular solo walk I took down to the little marina, I asked Clairity questions. I was feeling incredibly sad for where I found myself in life.
What am I doing here? I am a fifty year old woman with no income, no friends, no loving partner, experiencing physical pain on the daily, and no bloody clue how to get out of it. What do I do?
“Clair, you attracted people into your life in order for you to have an experience which reinforces your mindset. Remember, what you know, you give. What you receive is what you come to know. When you hold a belief about yourself long enough, it becomes what you know. When you are at the stage of knowing, your decisions, actions, and emotional responses to your actions, alongside your intellectual awareness, creates an external reality you can identify with. What you identify with is what you subconsciously know. Everything becomes your mirror. You could capture a glimmer of light, whereas another person may capture a glimmer of darkness within the same interaction. Your perception determines your creative expression.
Whatever you come to know, you either fight or accept. What you fight or accept is what you naturally give back. You had self sabotaging beliefs about yourself Clair. These self-destructive patterns were created by you. The way you heard the sound resonance of a word, vibrational intentions, physical characteristics, including environments, created what you thought was true. What you believe was true about yourself influenced your forward movement. Without knowing it, you were shaking hands with people who agreed with you enough to help you live in fear. Your comfort zone is staying inside what you know.
Are you ready to take what you came to learn into a new level of understanding?” Clairity lovingly asked.
Yes. Yes I am.
“What belief do you have of yourself which hurts you the most?”.
Ouch!, I thought, then responded, “I am not worth knowing and that I am a burden.”
Clairity didn’t acknowledge my response. I, the woman ego, did. I knew my response was the seed that grew in my world. “Who would love me for me, rather than love me for what I could bring?”.
Clair went further to explain, “think of yourself seated upon a throne”.
“A throne?, seriously?”, I interjected.
Clairity then eloquently expressed, “ah, you are expressing another pattern. We will visit that one later. For now, let’s stay focused on your painful truth. Let’s use a chair.
You are seated on a chair that has four legs. What would happen if one of the legs was missing, shattered, or loosely attached to the chair you’re on? “.
I would either fall or find a way to fix the broken leg, I thought.
“Yes Clair, the faulty leg would grab your attention. If all four legs are sturdy and in their rightful place, you would be fully confident in your foundational support. When one becomes weaker, ignoring it would cause you to fall. In addition, you are seated upon this chair, therefore you are the driving force being its structure. You become one with the chair. What you focus on either weakens or strengthens your leg support.
Each leg of your chair represents an area of your life. One leg represents your chosen family. One leg represents your chosen vocation. One leg represents your faith and universal connection. One leg represents your health and well-being. You are the ego seated upon the chair. You are the navigator.
Your spirit is the one sending you signals to maintain balanced guardianship over all areas of your life. The way you address your chair’s structural needs, bleed over into other legs. Meaning, if you lack confidence, due to ignorance in what you are doing, in one arena of your life, the pressure pain builds. Creating potentially devastating repercussions to the other three legs of your life.
Wabi Sabi, a beautiful Japanese creation of art honoring the journey of something made can also be designed by you. Your chair can be alchemized into something stunning. To do so, you must be willing to see the cracks in your foundation”.
Clairity went on further, “Your belief of being a burden and unlovable affected all four legs of your life. The legs of your chair have cracks in love, money, acceptance, recognition, divine connection, and health. As we address each area individually, you will start to see a natural link that acts as a delivery service for the destructive message that entered your work and family life. There are many layers to you. It will all make sense in time. Let’s start with your pain when it comes to love.
“Clair, what’s the reason you attracted partners whom you believe were victims of circumstances?”.
Wow what a question!
LivWithClairity 
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