(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)
Rosie became my best friend after his eight women confession. I am aware today there were over eighteen women he was intimate with behind my back, in some way, shape, or form. These women were spread out over the nine and a half years Rosie and I were together. I was also informed through spirit that Rosie had myself and two other women at the same time on more than one occasion. Rosie’s one-night-stands overlapped his affairs as well.
According to Clairity, Rosie suffered from a sex addiction, which included frequent pornography. It was painful for me to see the truth in that. Clairity sometimes gives me visuals with her words.
With that said, the truth shall set you free. Ask a butterfly how they got their wings. They’ll tell ya all about the painful, and necessary process to create them. The truth can’t be rushed either. It takes loving time for the truth to shine bright enough to be seen.
From the remainder of June, 2024, to the end of July, 2024, Rosie and I got along for the most part. I steered clear of Rosie’s mum, and I cleaned when I felt like it. Rather than when it was secretly expected of me. Rosie and I worked together on his business. He also bought me a microphone with a stand, and clamp to secure it to his desk. My goal at that time was to build enough awareness to create my own podcast.
I was creating a couple of videos on TikTok every day, seven days a week, at the time. Even then, I was building myself up one step at a time. I am a determined woman after all. I was happy with my efforts. I was also supporting Rosie with his children, light house duties, walking Kody, and working on vehicles with him. Keeping busy didn’t stop the red flags from waving. There were a few windy days.
The first red flag that caught my attention was when Rosie offered to pay me a wage for working with him. I can understand his thought process. He didn’t want to come across as someone who used me. In addition to that, Rosie’s mum was on him as to the reason I wasn’t looking for work. I know things without knowing.
Rosie didn’t fully explain what I was creating online to his mum because Rosie didn’t fully understand what I was doing. He rarely asked me questions about it. I didn’t share much because I knew he was disinterested. I also knew he didn’t see what I was doing as a successful endeavor. I believed in me for the both of us.
At first, I agreed to receive some money from him. Clairity clued me in on the red flag. “Clair, are you his employee? Is this love to you?, or, is it a transactional arrangement?”
No sooner did I hear Clairity’s whisper, I thought, I’m a bloody employee. I wasn’t on his books either, so, win for him. The win I received was physical work and the honor of spending time with Rosie at the garage.
“Are you satisfied with this? Are you turning away from your earthly career goal? Do you choose to continue to build up Rosie’s business at the detriment of your own business? Do you choose to be treated and seen as an employee by the man you love?”
No, no I am not. Boundary up, I thought.
Rosie’s passion was not my passion. I worked for him to support him, not to be his employee. If it was our business and we both shared the same vision, then yes, most definitely. I didn’t share Rosie’s vision he had for me. I also chose fear to stop me from explaining this to Rosie. Instead, I chose to simply tell him I preferred to stay home when he went to work. After I declined another two times, Rosie stopped asking me. I stopped being paid.
As you can see, hindsight is powerful. I recognize my timid ego stopped me from being open, honest, and transparent with Rosie. Rosie is all business. It was unfair for me to expect him to see what was wrong in the picture, when he was simply offering what came naturally to him. I was afraid of offending him, or coming across incorrectly.
Today, I have no issue with clarifying my intentions with anyone, any time. I also recognize equal reciprocity in business, and pleasure, is provided in many forms, not just currency. Gratitude would be difficult to maintain if one thought otherwise. My little girl’s ego inside me is safe with me. I see her importance today. I also clearly see the value in services from people which would otherwise cost me money had they not been there.
To me, a person’s honest, and sincere, support for me as a person, far outweighs what money can buy. Unfortunately Rosie didn’t see the value in what I provided to him and his family the same way I did. What they saw was money and the effects of not making any.
As time passed, and I was spending more time alone, I went on several walks with Kody in between creating my videos. I didn’t have a house key. Rosie’s mum, and Rosie did. Rosie had mentioned he was going to have a key cut for me when I first arrived at their house. He never got around to it.
I am not someone who will remind another to do something they said they would do. If they tell me they will do something, I expect they will do it without requiring a reminder from me. I am an extremely patient woman. I will wait with little thought of it. I am of the mind, “be a person of your word. It is a strong sign of integrity”. I let people show me who they are in this aspect. If I love you, I will let it slide whilst keeping the truth of my observation quiet. I give three strikes, you’re out, with people I love. If I don’t know you, you get one shot. If there was an unforeseen circumstance that is reasonable to understand, and I wasn’t given the heads up, done deal. I know I have to balance myself out with a bit more compassion here. I’m working on it.
On one particular walk with Kody, Rosie’s mum locked me out of the house. She would complain to Rosie that I didn’t say anything to his mother before stepping out of the house. Her complaints were unwarranted in the beginning. I did in fact say, “je suis avec Kody, a plus tard”. I would announce my departure at the front door. She acknowledged my leaving.
I know my french is atrocious. I think I was saying, I am with Kody, see you soon? At any rate, I did my best to communicate my plan with Rosie’s mum.
The day I came back to the locked door, I had an instant thought, “this is familiar. Rosie locked me out too”.
Even though it was in the month of July, my mind was triggered with winter cramp, pain, and heartache, not to mention fear of punishment. I knew, in that moment, how spiteful Rosie’s mum could be. I could see her need to demand respect from me like a two year old child would have a temper tantrum. Kicking her hands and feet on the ground whilst crying. “I am important. How dare you ignore me. This will teach ya!”
“Clair, can you see a pattern? The energy you feel when you are in the presence of Rosie’s mum, can you identify it?”.
I read Rosie’s mum’s energy more closely. Rosie’s mum resented her situation of feeling trapped inside her own home. I could feel resentment in her vibe.
“Good Clair. There are reasons for this. She, like you, moved from her home, and away from everything, and everyone she knew. She misses Montreal. She feels isolated. In addition to that, she has had a painful journey. It is none of your concern as to the reasons for her resentment and projections towards you. What is of your concern is knowing whether or not you can change her projections?”
No. No I cannot.
“Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, also means, accept other people’s perceptions knowing that is their journey to create, not yours. Your accountability is in the way you choose to create your own perception of the world”, Clairity reminded.
I knew that if everyone was out of the house, Rosie’s mum felt her freedom to leave the house when she wanted to was not considered. She insisted the doors be locked when no one was home. I can appreciate that. With that said, I also recognized the fact that, neither her, nor Rosie, thought to have a key made for me. It was not a priority to either of them.
A key is a strong welcoming symbol after all. I was standing on principle. Integrity is vital to me. Therefore, out of my ego’s spiteful retaliation, I stopped announcing that I was leaving the house. In my mind I thought, “go get another bloody key made!”.
When I arrived at the house, I rang the doorbell. Rosie’s mum had poor knees so it was certainly understandable that she was slower in answering the door. She was home when she locked me out though. She came, opened the door, looked at me with disgust, said nothing. She then turned around, and hobbled her way back up the half staircase. I thought, well alrighty then. No more pleasantries.
I informed Rosie of the subliminal altercation with his mum. “She wants you to just let her know when you are stepping out. We all let each other know when we are coming and going. It’s a respect thing in our culture. She likes to keep the doors locked for safety”.
It’s a respect thing in most cultures I assume?, is what I thought. “I do let your mum know Rosie”.
Rosie retorted logically, “perhaps she doesn’t always hear you?”.
I thought she usually acknowledged me. With that said, yes, it was possible. I backed off and agreed with Rosie.
With that said, the vibe of resentment exuding off of Rosie’s mum was now transferring to me. I was starting to absorb resentment. I knew where Rosie’s high expectations, lack of empathy, and fear of imperfection came from. Rosie’s mum was Rosie’s mirror. Rosie’s mum also reminded me of my mum. With that, I simply mirrored her behavior back to her. She didn’t like it, nor did I expect her too. I think my mirroring her vibe added to her rejecting dinner sittings with us. The tension between Rosie’s mum and I was becoming increasingly volatile.
Around the second week of July Rosie and I had another conversation. “Rosie, this isn’t working. This is toxic.”
“Toxic?” I had Rosie’s attention.
“Rosie, I am not willing to come between you and your mum. Alyssa has even come to me telling me your mum criticized my efforts in styling her hair. She said, “grandma doesn’t seem to like you. You can see it on her face”.
My response to Alyssa was, “it’s okay sweetheart. I have no control over that. Your kids being in an environment with disagreeing adults is not good for them”. I did my best to help him see the bigger picture. He knew. He was refusing to admit nor accept that our living arrangement was unhealthy.
I didn’t realize I was voicing my exit strategy at the time of my pleading with Rosie.
“What about getting an apartment for you? I can pay your rent. We could be together that way?” Rosie wasn’t thinking of me whatsoever when he suggested that option.
“Rosie there are two reasons for me saying no to that. First off, you expect too much from me if you think I can trust you enough to live separate from one another again. If we are separated, it’s for good. Second, I am not a kept woman. I am a contributing one. I don’t want your money. If I am living on my own it is because I can afford to be”.
Rosie could respect my response. He said, “I’ll talk to her. We’ll figure this out”.
The problem with that was, Rosie often didn’t do what he said he was going to do. I had a difficult time believing his words. With that, my next words were, “Rosie, I even told you about Liv and Aiden going to Toronto to see Imagine Dragons on August 08. You know I love Imagine Dragons. You also know the eight-eight portal is our reconciliation anniversary. Yet, you didn’t think maybe, just maybe, surprising me with going? You don’t think of these things”.
Rosie’s next action was to suggest we go to the concert with them.
“Rosie, it’s not about going. It’s the fact that it didn’t even cross your mind”.
“I want to go. Let’s get tickets?”. Rosie was willing to offer anything to change the subject and lighten the mood. Imagine Dragons wasn’t his idea of entertainment. It was mine.
I agreed. Firstly, because I thought perhaps it would be an awesome bonding experience for Rosie and I. I kept convincing myself that when Rosie and I bought our dream home things would be better between his mum and I. She would have her own granny suite, and I would have my peaceful sanctuary. Secondly, I thought, well it’s about bloody time. Finally something just for me.
I didn’t realize Rosie packed his red flags to take with him.
LivWithClairity 
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