(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your own discretion. 18+)
It was right around the kids’ school spring break, when Liv informed me that her, along with her family, were coming to Montreal for a visit. I hadn’t seen Liv or her babies in seven months. I hadn’t seen any of my family in seven months. I missed them dearly and was thrilled that they were coming.
Liv was going to see her biological father, Albert, and two of her three sisters, in Ontario. I had let Rosie know right away that they were planning to stop in on their way back to New Brunswick. I was hoping we could have the big room cleared for them so that they could stay the night if they chose to. Rosie said it would be fine for them to stay and that we could make room for them.
After a full week’s worth of four hours a day organizing that big living area in the basement, Rosie and his mum decided the new space I made was a good place to pile more stuff. I think that area of the basement remained clear and tidy for about three weeks. It took me a long time and much effort to clean that area. I didn’t even get a thank you or acknowledgment from Rosie’s mum.
Rosie gave me hype when he first saw the cleaned room with a, “wow! good job. It looks good”. I wasn’t about to go through the trouble of doing it again by myself. The room was almost back to the way it was before I organized it. No way, no thank you. Especially since they were the ones who re-cluttered the place. I was hoping Rosie would have offered to help me organize the room again for when my children arrived. No such luck.
I did keep a mental note of Rosie, once again, being okay with creating a mess after I had only just finished organizing. It came by him honestly. His mum was the exact same way. Rosie’s disregard for my efforts were starting to show again. The new mess in that big room had me thinking, “is Rosie changing or simply behaving?”. Clairity whispered, “observe dear. Keep seeing past what you see. Say nothing. Keep observing”. That is exactly what I did.
Liv wasn’t able to give a firm date right away as there were several people involved in her trip arrangements. Everything had to be organized by everyone’s schedule. With that, and since I spoke little french and no creole, I asked Rosie to let his mum know and to invite her. Again, no such luck.
Rosie’s mum was upset with me the day Liv was to arrive. Rosie and I planned to take them to a local, and highly recognized buffet restaurant. Rosie, Rosie’s mum, and I were standing in the kitchen. Rosie was leaning up against the sink. His mum was standing beside him, looking at me. I was standing a few feet away on the other side of the kitchen island. Rosie’s mum’s face was harsh and extremely judgemental.
Rosie’s mum’s face reminded me of when Rosie looked at me with disgust when I went to get in a car lane beside us. I was the designated driver back from a day at a theme park. Rosie fell ill so he wanted me to drive. The Montreal highways are extremely intimidating. Being new to the area, I was hyper focused on the road, whilst relying on Rosie’s directions. Rosie was late to tell me we had an exit off the middle highway lanes. When he said, “get off here”, I panicked. I didn’t see the vehicle in my blind spot when I went to get into the exit lane. I almost side swiped the other car. I looked at Rosie to say sorry and to scold him about the delay in direction. Rosie looked at me with utter disgust. His eyes were pierced, jaw clenched, and his mouth curled in a half smug, downward snarl. His face looked so mean all I could respond with was, “You are looking at me with disgust. What the hell? I don’t know where I am going!?”. Rosie then tutted with his teeth and said, move over now, you have time.
What makes matters worse for me about that day is, not only is his face of contemptuous disgust etched into my brain, Clairity informed me that Rosie was talking with Isabel through text on the bench in the park. I was facing a fear by going on a roller coaster with Rosie’s eldest son to bond with him when Rosie was “fighting a migraine”, talking with his new lady friend. I waited hand and foot on Rosie that day because he “wasn’t feeling well”. I didn’t know that was what he was doing at the time. Clairity told me after I left him permanently.
“What, you don’t invite me? Am I not welcome to join you? You say nothing. Your kids are coming and I am not considered?”. Rosie’s mum said to me in french. I could understand most of it. I wasn’t able to respond to her. I looked at Rosie and said, “you didn’t invite her? I asked you too.” Rosie looked at me whilst still standing beside his mother, as if to say, I ain’t getting involved. “I did tell her”, Rosie responded.
That’s when Rosie’s mum lashed back with, “it is not for him to invite me, it is you.”
My response to her was, “I did invite you, through your son!”
Then I looked at Rosie and said, “do you realize your mum is making this day all about her? You do realize she is attempting to ruin this day for me?”
Rosie didn’t respond. He simply stood there beside his mum saying “there there muffin. Everything is going to be okay”.
Okay, he didn’t really say that. It was most certainly the message I received though. I knew it was a losing game for me so I simply walked away and said, “nope. I am not letting her ruin this for me”.
That night, I saw my babies. My youngest grandchild was only born the previous September. We had a lovely meal, which Rosie graciously and generously paid for. Each person costs about twenty-five dollars a plate at that time. There were five adults to pay for. The five kids were free because they met the “free for kids” criteria.
Rosie paying for the meal for everyone made up for his mum’s awkward behavior in the corner of the table next to the wall. She was pouting the entire time. She offered her initial nice greeting to the kids. Similar to that of the brief greeting she gave me when I first arrived back in August, 2023. She was cordial with a vibe of unwelcoming.
“Niceness does not hide the vibe of inauthenticity. It is highly important you catch what that vibe feels like for you when you experience it. When you can identify it enough, you can use it to your advantage. This is the initial step to take towards seeing beyond what you can see. Couple that acute, self trained, awareness, with a high level discernment so that you can then wisely select your people.
You are the people you associate with the most. Remain aware of this fact. Otherwise you could end up being a flower snared within the vines of an overgrown, long forgotten, garden. Choking in silence, whilst attempting to shine. Your light could go out if you remained obligated to someone just because of a title.
Remain aware of the vibe to maintain a vibrant life. Discern what is the best for you. That may include loving someone from a distance. Especially in times when you are dedicated to healing yourself. One drop of ink can turn water dark. To heal, you must replant yourself into a healthier garden where vibrant roots can grow”. ~ Clairity.
When Rosie’s mum made that day all about her, I became less inclined to remind Rosie and the kids to speak french whilst Rosie’s mum was in attendance with us. I was okay with being uneducated in french. Rosie’s mum on the other hand was pissed when we spoke english.
I can’t say I blame her. She was well into her seventies and didn’t speak english. She felt excluded from her own family. I told Rosie it was important for her to feel included. It seems Rosie secretly, or subconsciously, enjoyed his mum being at odds with me over him. The amount of times I had to remind him and the kids to speak french was countless. It got to the point when Rosie’s mum said to Rosie, “if you all speak english at the dinner table one more time, I will not be joining you for dinner”. She meant it because in July, 2024, she did exactly that. She stopped eating with us.
I believe Rosie kept his mother and I at odds with one another because Rosie would keep the coffee, milk, sugar, and any other food based item that he knows I liked, upstairs in his mum’s kitchen. Everyday, until I finally harped enough, I had to go into his mum’s kitchen to make my morning coffee or to get a bite to eat. I could feel her energy. She didn’t enjoy my taking things without telling her or asking. She also kept a mental note of the amount of sugar and vanilla extract that I used. She spoke to Rosie about it. Rosie didn’t tell me so. I know without knowing. At first Rosie’s mum seemed fine, other than the vitamins incident. Once my children came, she made it very clear that she did not want anything to do with me.
I spoke with Rosie about his mother’s behavior. I told him I felt that I was placed into a competition I did not sign up for. I said firmly, and without ambiguity, that I would not come between him and his mother. I said I would leave before it got to that point. Rosie’s response was, “I am doing my best. I have to please her. I have to please you. I don’t know how to fix this? I am wishing for a way that you two could get along. My mum is getting old Clair. She is set in her ways. Can you understand this?”.
As soon as those words came out of his mouth I thought, oh so I should be okay with being treated like shit? I must respect her because she is older than me? I am to accept disrespect because I am younger than her? That’s a form of entitlement my friend.
What I responded with was, “you are unable to see what I see Rosie”. With that, I got up and went to my usual cubby hole, the bedroom.
The next lovely occasion, meant with sincere sarcasm, was my fiftieth birthday. Rosie wanted a gold star for his efforts. He earned a spot in the time out corner in my mind. An amazing, surrounded with love and appreciation, fiftieth birthday for me!…nope.
LivWithClairity 
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