(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)
I wasn’t planning to write a blog entry today. I was planning to unwind with a light TikTok viewing, then cozy up for sleep with thunderstorms playing in my ear. I love the sound of rain when I am drifting off to sleep. Seems Clairity has other plans.
I had adopted a new routine as of late. After every blog entry I go for a meandering walk around a large residential area. I use that time to decompress and reflect on my progress. As well as give my thanks to the divine, and myself. It’s a team effort after all. I also use that time to admire the Christmas lights and breathe in the crisp cleansing air. Tonight was different in a way, and somewhat challenging.
I walk slowly due to some loud talking hips I’m carrying. My hips need some greasing up I think? Something’s up with them. Anyway, in addition to the hips, I recently broke my baby toe, again. I’ve been nursing a broken toe for three days now. Today was my first day of being able to limp-ish my way around the block. As I have mentioned before, I have a stubbornly high tolerance for pain, both emotionally and physically. Currently I lean towards my big toe inside my boot to compensate for the broken baby toe.
This evening, as I approached the crosswalk with a broken sensor for the blinking lights, I kept my hands in my pockets. It’s a wee bit chilly out there tonight. I didn’t bother to press the metal sensor to ignite the flashing lights. I knew the button sensor wouldn’t pick up my finger press. The first time that happened, I thought to myself, or perhaps I said it to Liv?, “damn that’s going to be a challenge at night for people who walk slowly like me. Cars are going to have a hard time seeing us”. The universe must have thought I was calling in an experience because low and behold, manifestation incoming.
As I reached the middle island of the crosswalk a man came up in his SUV with cars behind. As he went to make a left to cross over the crosswalk, he held up his middle finger at me and yelled, “you arrogant bitch. You can’t even press the lights. Nope, you just walk across like you own the place!”.
I said loud enough for him to hear, “sir the crosswalk lights are broken”. To which he responded with, “fuck you. I otta turn around and…”, his voice started trailing off. I responded back by saying, “I pray you continue to have a day you deserve”. Then I turned back towards the decline I was on and kept on hobbling.
After that moment, I had to acknowledge the adrenaline rush I was experiencing. I also had to acknowledge the anxious awareness I was in. I thought to myself, “Clair, you’ve done it again. You’ve blurted out the truth and stood up for yourself. Now you may have pissed off a large man who is considering teaching you a lesson”. That thought kept me hyper alert. For the next three headlights sneaking up on me I thought, “oh shit, that could be him”. Then I heard Clairity speak.
“Clair, are you allowing him to keep your energy?, or, are you taking it back?”. I thought, right, that’s my energy friend. I take mine back. I do that by focusing on what I can learn from this. You sir, you can keep your energy. I wish you the best of luck with it”.
People are quick to make assumptions, I thought.
“Clair, first of all, the man thought better of it. He didn’t turn around. Second, Clair, do you see the importance in withholding judgment until you receive enough clear information to discern a person wisely? Do you see clearly how his projection of who you are to him, shows he is quick to point fingers? He decided who you were before you even spoke. What benefit was it to explain that the lights were broken?”.
Good question Clairity asked, as always. What was the reason for telling him the lights didn’t work? It was for my benefit, not his. He wasn’t listening anyway. My ego wanted to be heard.
Ah yes, that goes back to my mother’s words, “that mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble”, and my father’s words, “Clair you are naive”.
“Yes that is true Clair. In addition to that, you have experienced many people speaking ill of you behind your back. You know this. Your teenager inside wants to defend you because, with the exception of your children, no one has defended your character”.
Yes, that is also true. People judging me quickly had been a common experience for me, so was hearing about the shitty things people have said about me. My dad, nor any of my partners in love, have defended me against injustice. Interesting indeed. In addition to that realization, and if I were brutally honest, I also feel the urge from time to time to call a person an asshole without using the word. It’s an ego stroke. What can I say?
“Clair, what can you take away from this experience? Remember, even a small exchange like this is a teaching and learning moment. You were a symbolic teacher for him to see his impulsive judgement and actions. His was your symbolic teacher helping you reinforce the importance of remaining silent. Let him vent. Wish for him a day he is entitled to. Recollect your energy and say thank you for the pop quiz. Think of yourselves like being substitute teachers. You popped into each other’s classrooms for a moment then popped back out. It’s up to you what you do with the experience”.
I choose to recognize the importance of valued time and energy. If educating someone is simply for my ego’s sake, then it is of little long term value for me. I also recognize I am a woman walking alone at night. A little street smarts can go along way. I pray you, my awesome reader, choose to see your adversaries as your teachers, not your enemies. I also pray you are already smart and aware within your surroundings, always.
Oh yeah, ma cheri. Oh what a time. Hold Judgment 101 complete. Now back to History Repeating 101. Learning never stops, only alters in speed.
LivWithClairity 
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