(Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect their privacy. Some information may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your discretion. 18+)
I didn’t catch all those clues in the audio Rosie sent me. Wisdom is often acquired through hindsight. I see all the puzzle pieces today. Back then, I placed too much hype on Rosie’s courage to confess some of his infidelity. I knew confessing to anything would have been extremely challenging for Rosie. Rosie rarely apologized unless he felt cornered. He also had placed great importance on what other people perceived of him. I also know Rosie’s children are the world to him.
There is no question Rosie loves his children. For him to admit fault impressed me. My people pleasing ego over exaggerated Rosie’s efforts to be completely honest with his entire family. So much so, I chose to be blind to his lack of full disclosure.
Today, I recognize Rosie did not tell his mum the truth of our separation. Rosie did not admit to all his undertakings. Nor did he acknowledge all that I did for him in the way of his legal issues, family affairs, and some of his employment dealings. His mum was oblivious to all the behind the scenes correspondence I wrote for him, so were his children. Rosie’s mother wasn’t even in attendance when Rosie made his recorded confessionals with his children.
I suspect no one in his close circle knew of the written work I did for him. Rosie also didn’t divulge the guidance and education time I offered both his children, whilst keeping his home organized. I also know today, Rosie has yet to divulge the truth to anyone about anything I lovingly did for him. Rosie took what I did for him for granted. Therefore he would not have the forethought to tell others the full scope of my efforts.
My people pleasing ego gave Rosie the candy freely and willingly. It would have been unfair of me to expect him to share that candy with anyone. That candy being “please be the hero I see in you Rosie. Keep going on the truth, path! You can do it! I’ll help you anyway I can. You don’t have to be fully truthful right now. I see your minimal effort and am willing to glorify it for you. No worries.”
All those thoughts were wrapped up in a candy wrapper labeled, fear of abandonment.
We are all children walking inside bigger bodies. Rosie and I are no exception. My little girl’s ego still craved proof that some other person outside of me could love me. My little girl needed to prove that I could be accepted for me rather than simply because of what I could do for them. At the time, the person my fragile and hurt little girl latched onto was Rosie. I could see the potential hero, not the Rosie he truly was. Today I have a high enough level of discernment to see him clearly. Cheers for hindsight, for it is a powerful gift indeed!
Perhaps that may be part of the reason Clairity encouraged me to blog. It seems I am being guided to be a form of whistleblower? Lots of truths around the world are being brought to light these days. Whatever the reason, blogging is certainly therapeutic and highly rewarding. Even if I am currently writing for free.
I’m no pro at this. I can recognize that. I love that you compassionately overlook my typos and erroneous grammar and formatting errors. I love you for being that person. Thank you my awesome reader, sincerely.
The day came when Rosie was at my door. Ready to whisk me away back to Montreal. It was August, 08, 2023. The lions gate portal. According to some astrologers the lions gate portal is powerful. I suspect that’s true because this portal sure took me on a ride.
My Jack was already down the swirling purple and blue hued rabbit hole proclaiming, “it’s time, it’s time, to keep your boundaries and self love aligned. Can you do it? Can you see far? Can you see past what you see? Can you still honor the truth in who you are?”.
I didn’t realize I was entering my graduate year. Spirit on the other hand knew exactly what it was I was about to learn. Powerful and insightful stuff indeed.
LivWithClairity 
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